January 09, 2009

Life's a test

Gah. I had one of those ghastly dreams last night that stand as unofficial proof our minds perpetually totter on the edge of the schizophrenic abyss.

It started out as a athletic locker room dream; usually, these morph into me trying to figure out my old padlock combination and eventually being confronted by piles of old workout clothes that hadn't seen a washing machine in well over a decade. Last night, however, the scene reformed itself into a classroom/church pew. My wife was preparing to take a Scantron test, and I gradually became aware that she was expecting me to take it as well, so I took a seat.

I was told this was going to be a life test, and in order to succeed at life, we had to pass, but in the same breath, the teacher told me, specifically, that I didn't have to take it if I didn't want to. I assumed if I didn't take it, I wouldn't succeed at life, so I asked for a Scantron.

Then things started to get weird. . .

Somebody had used my Scantron before me, but they only filled in every other number, so we were instructed to fill in the remaining ovals; this was done, we were told, to save on Scantrons. I'm not positive, but I think all the news about the Franken/Coleman ballot recount played a role in this mental manifestation.

Anyway, as with all dreams, numbers and letters largely don't make any sense at all, so most of the test questions were in the form of symbols. One question, in particular, sticks out in my mind: There was a drawing of a dog eating an apple, complete with seeds, followed by a picture of the dog taking a dump, followed by a "leads to" arrow, ------->, followed by four options. Those options were: a wagon, a cheerleader, a horse, and an apple tree.

Obviously, a dog pooping apple seeds would logically lead to a new apple tree, right? Well, that's what I thought, too, but the only problem was, the letter options on the test didn't match up with the options on the Scantron. Whereas the Scantron had "A, B, C and D" ovals to fill in, the test showed "W, X, Y and Z." Frustrated, I went up to the teacher for clarification.

The teacher told me that "W, X, Y and Z" should be thought of as "A, B, C and D," and instructed me to go back to my seat. When I got back to my seat, however, I discovered all my stuff missing because the other students hid it. Angry, I started to shout and threaten the other students so they''d give my stuff back. The teacher informed me that was no way to comport myself during a life test.

And that's when I woke up.

Posted by Ryan at January 9, 2009 05:57 AM | TrackBack

This clearly means that you are nuts.

Posted by: LearnedFoot at January 9, 2009 09:19 AM

Alternate interpretation:

You're not worth a hill o' beans as a person. Clearly.

Posted by: LearnedFoot at January 9, 2009 10:25 AM

The day Peev ever enters my dreams is the day I go in for electroshock treatment.

Posted by: Ryan at January 9, 2009 01:04 PM
Post a comment

Remember personal info?

StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble It!