October 24, 2008

He who smelt it, dealt it

And, he who smells it, also has blood pressure that's 120/80.

I've actually known about this phenomenon for years, and I've spent entire days just sitting in clouds of my own flatulence, like Darth Vader in his hyperbaric chamber. I knew, deep down, that I was simply self-regulating my blood pressure.

So, to all of you who have complained about me smelling "sour," or being "disgusting," or who asked if I "shit my pants" or commanded me to "open a goddamned window, for the love of God!", well, I'm just here to say "YOU'RE WELCOME!"

Honestly, here I've been the equivalent of Johnny Appleseed for 33 years, spreading copious amounts of blood pressure medication around the planet, on trains and planes, in movie theaters, in cars, at Vikings games; if you can name a place, chances are good I left some blood pressure medication there. And I've done all of this FOR FREE! You ungrateful peasants.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some blood pressure medication to dispense. I'm sure SOMEBODY will complain.

Posted by Ryan at October 24, 2008 03:08 PM | TrackBack

wow.....Foot promised me you'd do a great job with this one, and boy oh boy did you deliver.

Posted by: Bike Bubba at October 24, 2008 03:39 PM
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