September 12, 2008

Sinking The Sub

Me: Could I get a foot long Philly cheese steak sandwich.

Sandwich Artist: I'm sorry, we're out of the Philly cheese steak. We're also out of prime rib.

Me: Oh. Okay. I'll get a foot long chicken breast. . .

S.A.: I'm sorry, we're also out of chicken breast.

Me: Ah. Well, do you have turkey breast.

S.A.: Yes we do.

Me: All right, I'll have a turkey breast foot long on honey oat.

S.A.: I'm sorry, we're out of honey oat bread. We have plenty of wheat, though.

Me: *ahem* I guess I'll have a foot long turkey breast on wheat then.

S.A.: What kind of cheese do you want on that.

Me: *wary* Pepper Jack?

S.A.: I'm sorr. . .

Me: American, then.

S.A.: Do you want that toasted?

Me: I'm not sure. . . is your toaster working?

S.A.: Oh yeah!

Me: Well, then I guess I'll have it toasted.

*sub toasts*

S.A.: Do you want the works on this?

Me: No, but I'll go extra spinach.

S.A.: I'm sorry, but JUST ran out of spinach.

Me: Of course you did. . . lettuce then.

S.A.: Extra lettuce?

Me: No.

Me: Tomatoes.

Me: Extra onion.

S.A.: I'm really sorry, but we're out of onion right now.

Me: You're out of ONION?

S.A.: Yes, I'm really very sorry.

Me: But. . . didn't you just ask me if I wanted "The Works" on it? Aren't onions part of "The Works?"

S.A.: You're right, and I'm sorry about that. I get so used to saying "The Works" that it was just kind of automatic.

Me: I understand. Green peppers?

S.A.: We do have. . . oh, wait. *to co-S.A.* Hey, check in back and see if there's any more green peppers.

*green pepper waiting interim*

Co-S.A.: We don't have any more green peppers, but I found one last thing of onions.

Me: *in my head* 10. . . 9. . . 8. . . 7. . . 6. . . 5. . .

S.A.: Sorry about that. Do you still want extra onion?

Me: Yes. Please.

S.A.: Any sauces?

Me: *to self* Is that question directed at me, or is he asking if this Subway has any remaining sauces?

Me: *to S.A.* No, thank you, and you don't need to cut it.

S.A.: *cuts sandwich in two, realizes what he just did*

Me: *in my head* 4. . . 3. . . 2. . .

S.A.: Oh my God, I'm so sorry.

Me: Don't worry about it.

*get to the register, notice with a wry and slightly disgusted smile that there's a sign saying this particular Subway was out of Scrabble game pieces; note with irony that, spelled out in Scrabble letters, is the word "SORRY."

*get to the chip display and start scanning for Cool Ranch Doritos. After a few seconds, I start to reach the conclusion that. . . "

Co-S.A: If you're looking for Cool Ranch Doritos, we ran out earlier today. Sorry about that.

Me: Me too.

Posted by Ryan at September 12, 2008 12:48 PM | TrackBack

Part of the reason why I don't go to Subway, they always seem to be out of what I want. And there's the whole Jared ad campaign that ran its course like two years ago. You should have gotten your sandwich for free!

Posted by: Erik at September 12, 2008 03:21 PM

That's how Jared lost weight eating at Subway! It's their own special version of the Nothingburger! (It's very low-cal.)

Posted by: Corrine at September 12, 2008 03:37 PM

I suppose they ran out of pork chop sandwiches, too.

Posted by: Caroline at September 12, 2008 06:12 PM

Were they out of change?

Posted by: Keith at September 16, 2008 12:18 PM
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