June 13, 2007

Continuing Taser Talk

I’d like to take this opportunity to write a little more about tasers. Awhile back, I wrote about a police officer “who demonstrated his Taser by zapping a willing subject in the genitals” and, as a result, drew down a warning from his bosses.

Following that ThunderJournal post, I thought a lot about tasers, and I spent quite a bit of time surfing the Internet, intent on finding video footage of someone getting tasered in the genitals. Just so you know, there are more YouTube videos of people getting tasered in the groin, willingly and unwillingly, than you would probably imagine. I highly recommend you do your own research in this area, because you’ll laugh yourself senseless.

Anyway, in addition to my own research into groin tasering, I also received ThunderJournal feedback thanks to my ongoing bout of writer's block, which is, mercifully, lifting.

A ThunderJournal reader, apparently aware of my fascination with groin tasering, and who also took pity on my writer’s block, sent along a link to www.inventorspot.com, and specifically called my attention to “The Pink Stinger,” a taser disguised as two pink tampons.

Now, you may be asking, “why would you disguise a taser as two tampons,” to which I would respond, “WHY NOT?!” In fact, I think we should be disguising tasers as all manner of everyday items. Just think how well behaved everyone would be if everyone else could be armed with a disguised taser. That man across the street, lighting a cigarette? You may consider walking up to him and telling him of the dangers of smoking, but then you notice the cigarette package looks suspiciously like a taser, so you think better of it. We’d have a far more docile society if everyone was packing 50,000 volts of hidden ferocity, I think.

But, this is about “The Pink Stinger,” which I can say 40 million times in a row and still giggle. According to inventorspot.com, which has some of the best marketing writing I’ve ever read:

“Ladies can replace that monthly period with an exclamation mark as feminine hygiene goes lethal with The Pink Stinger, a stun gun creatively disguised as a tampon...except for the buttons, prods and high voltage. This weapon of mass absorption aims to target a niche market consumer, that being the tampon wielding women who desire private and discreet security in a friendly familiar package.”

First off, I wish I could take credit for writing that most awesome paragraph. Second, I’m trying to imagine an assault involving “The Pink Stinger.”

MUGGER: Okay, lady, give me your purse and there won’t be any trouble!

LADY: Why, I’d be happy to give you my purse. But, you caught me at a really bad time. Do you mind if I reach for my tampons quick?

MUGGER: Uh, no, I guess that would be all right. Go ahead.

LADY: Oh, you really are a gentleman mugger. Thank you, kind sir.

MUGGER: No problem. Say, why are you aiming your tampons at me. . . ARGH!!

In other words: Polite Muggers. . . BEWARE of The Pink Stinger.

Now that I think about it, The Pink Stinger would also be a most excellent deterrent for guys to carry around as well. Seriously, just imagine what would go through a mugger’s mind when he assaults a male target, only to be confronted with two pink tampons jutting forth from his back pocket. The confusion alone would give the victim the time he needs to use the The Pink Stinger against his assailant, and the last thought to go through the mugger’s mind prior to the application of 50,000 volts would be something like “why is this guy carrying tampons; I did not expect to see tampons where his wallet should have been; this is a totally unexpected development and. . . ARGH!”

I also feel I should note that, on the inventorspot.com Web site, there are animated images of a victim of The Pink Stinger, dubbed the “Tampon Stun Gun Demo.” Oddly, the recipient of the 50,000 volt tampon is dressed as a burglar, and the taser nodes hit him in the neck, which strikes me as an uncommon area to be tasered. But, that’s just my opinion. You can decide for yourself at http://inventorspot.com/security_system.

And if you have any feedback, please share. Anything to lift a case of writer's block.

Posted by Ryan at June 13, 2007 12:18 PM | TrackBack

That right there was some of the funniest stuff i ever read. ive been surfing this site for hours now and have been laughing my ass off at some of the stories. this is now one of my favorite sites.

Posted by: Ryan at July 2, 2007 02:42 AM
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