April 05, 2007

Got Golf

One of the great mistakes Iíve made multiple times in the past was to tell people I golf on occasion. If you would ever like to be surprised by a gift ever again in your life, you must resist the urge to admit to golfing, ever.

I really donít know what it is about telling people you golf, but I can guarantee you, if you tell someone you golf, you can expect all future gifts from that person to somehow be associated with golfing.

When I mentioned I occasionally golf to my girlfriendís family four years ago, I had no idea what I had unintentionally set into motion, but come Christmas that first year, I was given more golfing stuff than I honestly knew what to do with.

I was given a little cooler that hooks on to a golf bag for carrying around beverages. I was given golf tees, and golf balls, and a golf towel. Seeing me surrounded by my Christmas loot that year, people would no doubt have thought I was actually good at golf or something, or at least that I play golf a whole lot, when in fact I may get out less than 10 times a season.

In the time thatís passed since then, I been given even more golf balls and golf tees. Iíve received a golf mug, a golf glove, a golf shirt, and a golf beer koozie. Additionally, Iím always asked how my golf game is going, who I golf with, and what my favorite local golf course may be. The answers, in order, are: itís terrible, whoever will put up with me, and whatever course is easiest.

I can think of no other hobby or pastime that can generate as much predictable gift-giving as golf. For example, Iím also interested in jiu-jitsu, but I have yetóin the last two years of participating in jiu-jitsu classes two to three times a weekóto receive a jiu-jitsu related gift, yet the golf stuff keeps pouring in.

Granted, I imagine itís difficult to find jiu-jitsu related gifts. Whereas golf stores and gift shops are in abundant supply, you canít just stroll into Jiu-Jitsu -R- Us or Jiu-Jitsu World. I understand that.

Still, I have to wonder how to shut off the golf gift button now that I possess more golf equipment than most golf pro shops. How do I un-register for golf gifts? Are there forms to fill out? Is there a government agency that handles such a process?

I know, I know, as problems rate, this isnít one very high on the list, but I canít help but wonder how different my life would be if, instead of saying I golf occasionally, I had said something along the lines of ďI really love cash,Ē or ďMy primary hobby is collecting cash,Ē or ďHey, do you have any spare cash you could give me?Ē If I had simply made that one little life change, my home office would consist of stacks upon stacks of cash, rather than 800 golf tees, 500 golf balls and countless other golf paraphernalia.

So, in conclusion, unless you really enjoy golf and play quite often, donít tell the gift-giving people in your life that you golf. I wonít be held responsible for what happens if you test this warning Iím offering up to you, free of charge.

Which reminds me. . . do you have any cash you could give me?

Posted by Ryan at April 5, 2007 12:39 PM | TrackBack

"beer koozie"

huh. i always thought it was "cozy". "beer koozie" in writing sounds sort of .... smelly.

Posted by: amy.leblanc at April 5, 2007 03:06 PM


I actually had to G00gle it because I wasn't sure. Beer Koozie was the first to come up, so I went with that.

Posted by: Ryan at April 5, 2007 03:18 PM

So... Does this mean you'll be joining us at the MilF this year? I could use some tips from a guy as expert as yourself.

Posted by: Doug Williams at April 6, 2007 07:03 PM

Ryan, you should join us at the Milf. You can auction off all your unused booty to the participants and donate the proceeds to Mrs. Foot's favorite charity. Hope to see you there.
2006 Milf Champions

Posted by: comment troll at April 6, 2007 09:30 PM

One word: eBay

Posted by: Stephen Rider at April 13, 2007 12:52 PM

Just be glad you don't get stupid ties

Posted by: Rick at April 22, 2007 11:30 AM
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