August 08, 2006

Okay, that was weird

I haven't done a good bathroom-related post in awhile. It's not because I've lost my enthusiasm for providing bathroom-related content, it's just that nothing much has happened lately for me to report on.

Until just now.

I was using a urinal, when some guy came in to use the other one. Which wasn't unusual. It was his "technique" that was unusual.

He litterally stood about two feet away from the urinal and let the amber stream fly. From the corner of my eye I could only see a yellow line originating somewhere behind me from an invisible source, right on into the porcelain retainer.

Gradually, the strange pee man shuffled inch by inch closer to the urinal, as if he was fighting against the pressure of his forceful piss, and by pee standards, I guess it did sound pretty forceful. At any rate, by the time I wrapped up my own peeing business, the other pee dude had taken up a more traditional urinal proximity.

It's really weird to see a pee stream right next to you, but you can't see the source. It was like a dimensional door opened so an alien from the planet Klaxor could take a piss.

Posted by Ryan at August 8, 2006 03:21 PM | TrackBack

Okay, this doesn't really make the situation any less weird, but-- my take?

Dude had a boner and he really had to pee. So he started peeing-- then, as the boner went down, he walked closer to the urinal.

Saying that, I feel compelled to say that I've never done this in a public bathroom. But I have had to pee through a boner before (morning boner, really need to pee, go go go!) and that's basically what happens.

That'd be my guess. Ask him next time you see him.

Posted by: Joshua at August 8, 2006 05:03 PM


Why a guy would have a boner in IBM, I don't even want to know. Unless he just wrote some seriously erotic i5/OS code. I guess that's possible.

Posted by: Ryan at August 8, 2006 08:16 PM

*woot* I love guys like that! ;-)

Um, he's probably afraid of splattering. My guess is he didn't have on dark pants.(?)

Posted by: joseph at August 8, 2006 09:19 PM

I have to disagree with the boner theory, mainly because a urinal was in use and not a toilet. The urinal usually provides a substantial amount of vertical coverage from the bottom of the basin to the top of the plumbing. So, even a hard-on of highest order releasing a stream equal to Old Faithful would, most likely, be caught and returned safely to the drain. Ryan, please confirm the dimensions of the porcelain in question.

The early-morning-missle-emission into a toilet, on the other hand (or in the other hand) is quite cumbersome.

Posted by: seed at August 9, 2006 10:53 AM

Seed, it's your standard-issue wall-mount urinal. Much like this:

Posted by: Ryan at August 9, 2006 11:54 AM

Well then, I'd say there's plenty of room to tuck a raging-man-handle under the hood. One could even take a slight angle, either left or right, to lessen the back splash.

Since we're on the subject. You guys might know that I am a Cubs fan—thanks for the condolences. If you've been to Wrigley, you are aware of the trough in the men's room. This is the scene of the most peculiar pissing practice I've ever witnessed. It is always remembered as the Two-arm lean.

The trough has a ledge of sorts that is just below face high made of ceramic tiling and cement and is a island in the middle of the restroom, so it's accessible from two sides. The ledge does not block conversations from side to side. To perform the Lean one would place both arms on the ledge, resting on the inside of your forearms. This would be done after lowering your shorts/pants to a height that will allow one to piss—hands-free. Extra style points can be awarded, as in the demonstration that I witnessed, for extending one's legs past a point that would seem comfortable.

Unfortunately, I did not stick around long enough to witess the dismount.

Posted by: seed at August 9, 2006 12:21 PM

Are you sure he wasn't just trying to stay as far away from you as possible for as long as possible? Bald guy with goatee in public men's room, well, it has unfortunate connoitations, not that I'm against anything like that, I'm just sayin'. Maybe even he recognised you and knew he'd end up as blog-fodder. Personally, I suspect you personal hygiene, what with not having either working air-con or a toilet for a few weeks.

Posted by: simon at August 10, 2006 05:50 AM
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