Rambling Rhodes

My Interview With Mel Gibson

Please, help yourself to a drink. Make yourself comfortable.

Don't mind if I do. Three fingers of whiskey should do the trick.

Well, I may as well cut right to the issue at hand here. Just before the weekend, you said some pretty inflammatory things about Jewish people.

Now, I should note here that some of the things I said were taken completely out of context, and they shouldn't be. . .

"The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world!" is what you "hollered," according to a Los Angeles police report.

Yeah, well, that conveniently glosses over the fact that I was drunk when I said it.

I'm afraid I don't follow.

What aren't you following? I was drunk, see. I was being arrested for drunk driving! I can't be held responsible for what comes out of my mouth during such times of increased stress and intoxication.

So, that's your excuse? That you were drunk?

*takes a long pull off a Wild Turkey bottle* YES!

You can't think of any other reason why you may have said such things?

No. Well. . . *polishes off the Wild Turkey and throws the bottle at my head*

Well, now that I really think about it, the Jews are probably to blame!

What in the holy hell just happened to your face?!

I told ya, I get different when I get to drinking! Who are you, anyway?! You look like a Jew!

Huh? Wha? Me, a Jew? Are you kidding? I'm not even a particuarly good Christian.

Are you sure? You look awfully Jewey to me! You're probably all set to start a war at any second!

Please, Mr. Gibson, please calm down. Can we get him some coffee?

Make it Starbucks! Don't try to pawn off any of that Jewish Juan Valdez shit, either! I'm on to you, Jew-boy!

Where's that coffee! We need it! Now! Here, here Mr. Gibson. Some fresh Starbucks.

*drinks coffee*

How are you feeling?

Much better, thanks! Who are you again?

Um, Ryan. Ryan Rhodes.

Well, it was nice meeting you Ryan. I have to go now. Perhaps we'll meet again someday.

And which Mel Gibson would I be expecting?

Excuse me?

Never mind.

Posted by Ryan at July 31, 2006 12:43 PM | TrackBack