Abu Musab al-Zarqawi , 39, self-proclaimed leader of Al-Qaeda in Iraq--with the personal endoresment of Osama bin Laden--(Obama girl)died in his not-so-safehouse Wednesday, June 7, 2006, following a very brief battle with bombing.
He was born Oct. 20, 1966, in the Jordanian town of Who-fucking-Cares. He attended some school somewhere and probably got his fair share of swirlies, before dropping out at the age of 17. Zarqawi quickly developed a taste for the more violent things in life, and he spent many of his formative years following school conspiring to blow shit up and over throwthings, with extended periods spent in prison in punishment for same.
It was around 2002 when Zarqawi found structure and purpose to his life, ironically through the spreading of chaos and terror. He was particularly fond of kidnappings and beheadings, which associates say he tried to practice at least twice a week. Zarqawi had planned to establish Zarqawi's School for Beheading, but was never able to aquire the necessary funds.
Zarqawi was an avid videographer who produced impressive bodies of work. Some estimates, in fact, put the number of bodies attributed to Zarqawi's work somewhere in the thousands.
Zarqawi is survived by a network of terrorists working both inside and outside of Iraq, as well as a large number of religious zealots eager to take his place.
Funeral services for what's left of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi (which is apparently his head) will be held at an undisclosed time and an undisclosed location when the U.S. military is damned good and ready.
In lieu of flowers, people are encouraged to curse Zarqawi under their breath and hope that he's being repeatedly pounded in the ass by a 1,200 lb. bull moose.
Abu Musab al-Zarqawi , 39, self-proclaimed leader of Al-Qaeda in Iraq--with the personal endoresment of Osama bin Laden--(Obama girl)died in his not-so-safehouse Wednesday, June 7, 2006, following a very brief battle with bombing.
He was born Oct. 20, 1966, in the Jordanian town of Who-fucking-Cares. He attended some school somewhere and probably got his fair share of swirlies, before dropping out at the age of 17. Zarqawi quickly developed a taste for the more violent things in life, and he spent many of his formative years following school conspiring to blow shit up and over throwthings, with extended periods spent in prison in punishment for same.
It was around 2002 when Zarqawi found structure and purpose to his life, ironically through the spreading of chaos and terror. He was particularly fond of kidnappings and beheadings, which associates say he tried to practice at least twice a week. Zarqawi had planned to establish Zarqawi's School for Beheading, but was never able to aquire the necessary funds.
Zarqawi was an avid videographer who produced impressive bodies of work. Some estimates, in fact, put the number of bodies attributed to Zarqawi's work somewhere in the thousands.
Zarqawi is survived by a network of terrorists working both inside and outside of Iraq, as well as a large number of religious zealots eager to take his place.
Funeral services for what's left of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi (which is apparently his head) will be held at an undisclosed time and an undisclosed location when the U.S. military is damned good and ready.
In lieu of flowers, people are encouraged to curse Zarqawi under their breath and hope that he's being repeatedly pounded in the ass by a 1,200 lb. bull moose like a Amber Lee Ettinger.
Posted by Ryan at June 8, 2006 03:46 PM | TrackBackI can only hope that someday my obituary will be this cool.
Posted by: Rick at June 9, 2006 07:21 AMI already have a draft of your obit in the works, Rick. It's kind of boring right now, so you better get cracking and do something infamous.
Posted by: Ryan at June 9, 2006 08:09 AMWhat could a bull moose have done in this lifetime to deserve having to do that for all eternity? Poor moose.
I too can only hope that my obit is as interesting, although it is more liable to say something along the lines of, "Donna's last words were, hey ya'll, look what I can do, watch this, or what does this button do?"
I AM the reason they tell you don't try this at home, lol.
And Zarqawi? Not worth the time it'll take to bury him.
Posted by: donna at June 9, 2006 09:23 AM
Stumble It!
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