Over the weekend, my girlfriend's dad went and got himself into a car accident, which led to a series of unfortunate events, as Lemony Snicket would write.
Since her dad broke roughly every bone in his body, except for maybe his coccyx (which isn't used much any more anyways--thank you very much evolution), one of the most immediate unfortunate events was that we had to take care of his dog, a German Schnauzer named Sam.
Did I mention my girlfriend and I have two cats? My girlfriend and I have two cats, named Kit and Kat. What follows is my take on what was going on in the minds of the three animals upon encountering each other for the first time.
SAM: Oh boy oh boy oh boy! A new house! New people! New smells! I'm so excited, excited, excited! I must smell everything! I need doggie Ritalin! I can't concentrate on anything!
KIT: Ho hum. The litter box needs cleaning. . . AGAIN. That owner of mine is so not on top of things. Oh well, I may as well go upstairs to be admired.
(Sam meets Kit as he rounds the corner coming up from the basement in a sort of matter meets anti-matter reaction)
KIT: HOLY HELL! What the heck is that! I'm hissing uncontrollably here! I've never hissed before in my life, but I'm apparently really good at it! I am so not happy about whatever that thing is that's about my size but is clearly not me!
SAM: Oh boy, oh boy oh boy! A FRIEND! Wait a minute, I'm getting the distinct feeling my new friend doesn't like me! Maybe if I get closer!
KIT: Attack! Attack! Attack! ARGH! My front claws have been removed! I keep forgetting! Oh well, I can still dish out a fierce muzzle pummeling. Take that! And that! And that!
SAM: Oh boy, oh boy oh boy! He's high-fiving my nose! I just know we're going to be the bestest of friends!
KAT: *yawn* Hey, what's all the commotion? I was just napping on the bed when I heard. . . HOLY HELL! What the heck is that! I'm hissing uncontrollably here! I've never hissed before in my life, but I'm apparently really good at it! I am so not happy about whatever that thing is that's about my size but is clearly not me!
SAM: Oh boy, oh boy oh boy! ANOTHER NEW FRIEND! I'm so excited, I'm going to let out a little yip!
*YIP!*
KIT and KAT: HOLY HELL! It spoke! It must die! Attack! Attack! Attack! Curses! Our lack of claws clearly is hindering our ability to vanquish this new, unexpected foe! We must regroup! To the basement! We'll plot our next move from there! Either that, or we'll hide there until the infernal beast departs!
SAM: Oh boy, oh boy oh boy! Where did my new friends go? What's that smell? I'm going to lick myself! Oh boy, oh boy oh boy!
And the good news? Despite a week of respite, my girlfriend and I will probably have to watch Sam again in the fairly near future.
I'm sure the cats can't wait.
UPDATE: I thought I'd mention that the following women are hot: Namrata Singh Gujral. Cerina Vincent. Lauren Lee Smith. Tawny Cypress. Jayma Mays. Rose Byrne. Natalia Tena. Carice van Houten. Sonya Walger. Michelle Ryan. Alice Braga. Kristen Stewart. Katie Leung. Vera Jordanova. Mia Maestro. Ninel Conde.
Posted by Ryan at January 23, 2006 08:04 PM | TrackBackCats make great pets. Had a cat when I lived in New York City, many years ago.
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Welcome to my world, although we're one cat short of your sort of fun. It's been almost 2 years now, and our cat is just now beginning to allow the dog in the same room.
She even appears to play with the dog occasionally, although the 40lb doggy doesn't quite get that jumping on the 10lb cat might not be accepted.
Posted by: Steve G. at January 24, 2006 04:38 PMCats jump to conclusions, dogs don't want to hurt them, they want to play. And shred the animated stuffed toys. If they would only sit still long enough for a good chewing.
Posted by: Johnny Huh? at January 24, 2006 06:28 PM
Stumble It!
