Rambling Rhodes

Pop Up

Today's report is brought to you by the Internet. Perhaps you've heard of it? It's an electronic medium reportedly invented by one Al Gore, for the sole purpose of downloading illicit images of high profile celebrities in varying stages of undress.

It kind of just took on a mind of its own from there.

I use the Internet a lot. I use it at work, and I use it at home, which means I'm plugged into the Internet roughly 14 hours a day. That translates into a lot of Web-based advertising being beamed at my face.

I largely think I'm immune to online advertisements, although studies have been done that indicate I'm more susceptible than I may accept. Then again, studies have been done on the brittleness of cookies, so apparently there are studies conducted about pretty much everything, so studies can just go take a flying leap.

One type of online advertising that I do find hard to ignore, however, are pop-ups. I'm not saying that I actually pay attention to pop-up ads, but I do have to close the windows once they pop-up, in what amounts to an online game of digital "whack-a-mole."

It occurred to me that, on any given 14 hour online day, I probably close anywhere between 20 and 1,700 pop-up advertisements, and at the end of the day, I couldn't honestly tell anyone what any of those pop-ups were even advertising.

So, today my valued reader, I took it upon myself to actually take note of any pop-ups and actually report back to you, so you know what's hot and popping up online these days.

9:47 a.m. -- An advertisement for Orbitz Games, featuring the eternal question: "Where's my hotel?" We've all been there, haven't we? Stumbling out of an all night poker game in some back alley dive, your wallet empty, stinking of cheap booze and cigarettes, with several different shades of lipstick on your collar. You flag down the first car you see and blearily ask the driver "Where's my hotel?" And your house is only a block away.

10:57 a.m. -- VacationsToGo.com, touting "Save up to 75% on last minute cruises." Yes, for those of us with schedules as fluid as water, we can just hop on one of those last minute cruises. On a lark! Your boss encourages spontaneous week-long vacations. Heck he's packing your bags for you!

1:21 p.m. -- CitiBank pops up, saying "Sing the rewards of a job well done." How does one sing a reward? Citi doesn't take the time to answer such grammatically nuanced questions. They're too busy pointing out that you get a free iPod Shuffle when you get a CitiBusiness Card. Oh, sure, the interest rates are going to kill you, but at least you're jamming on your complimentary iPod.

2:35 p.m. -- LowerMyBills.com, with an odd ad featuring a picture of a roaring lion. And what is the lion roaring? "Refinance Now!" of course. Because, as everyone knows, lions are the go-to species when it comes refinancing. For retirement investment, you rely on spider monkeys. For car insurance, it's gotta be the gazelle.

4:10 p.m. -- UnderToneNetworks.com, advertising the little-known IN:NYC credit card, telling me to "Earn rewards to eat, drink & play in NYC hotspots." Sounds like a good deal, I guess, provided I live in New York City, which I don't. Somehow, I get the feeling I'm not the target audience for the ad.

5:39 p.m. -- I'm at home, where my Web surfing differs considerably from my work-related Web surfing. My first pop-up of the evening. . . well, I won't get into it. Suffice it to say, I was offerred the opporunity to grow a larger body part. But, honestly, what would I do with a longer arm?

7: 43 p.m. -- Two pop-ups at once, one for a Texas Hold 'em online offer, another being an ad for a Hold 'em poker strategy guide. Something tells me I may be a little too into Texas Hold 'em.

There was much more, of course but, this being a a clean blog and all, I won't delve into some of the more seedier pop-ups. Suffice it to say, there must be a lot of people with abnormally long arms out there.

Posted by Ryan at December 8, 2005 11:40 PM | TrackBack