April 05, 2005


I dislike high gas prices just as much as the next guy, provided that next isn't an oil tycoon, I mean. I hate filling up my car with the knowledge that I'm pumping $2+ per gallon into my machine. In an ideal world, I could take a shit in the tank, and the car would run for 400 miles on that single dump, while only polluting the air with a foul-smelling water vapor. Fart Cars, we'd call them.

I realize that, since I choose to own a vehicle and drive it, I don't have much reason to bitch about the cost of fuel, so I rarely do. I just kind of have to accept it as one of those uncomfortable financial realities I take in the ass in the name of vehicular convenience.

So, yesterday, I was in a local convenience store, buying pop and a pizza, when this guy comes in purely pissed off about something.

"fucking gas prices, man!" he blurted to the clerk as he dug for his credit card. "They're fucking killing me! If prices get as high as I'm hearing, it's going to fucking be the end of me! How do they expect people to live with prices like this? fuck!"

I followed the man in line, purchased my goods, and exited the store.

And then I watched that same angry guy board his black, shiny, enormous, completely impractical Hummer and drive away.

And I had to laugh. Because that was pretty funny, and I had just started thinking about Fart Cars, which is pretty funny too.

Posted by Ryan at April 5, 2005 04:59 PM

"I could take a shit in the tank, and the car would run for 400 miles on that single dump, while only polluting the air with a foul-smelling water vapor. Fart Cars, we'd call them."

Um... Ryan? You do realize taking a shit and farting are not the same thing, right? Please God, someone HAS at some point taken you aside and explained this to you? RIGHT?!!

Posted by: Doug at April 5, 2005 08:25 PM

This is true, Doug, and I've known that for some time, a couple years at least. The point was that since the exhaust of the car was foul-smelling water vapor, it would be the car farting, hence Fart Cars.

Posted by: Ryan at April 5, 2005 09:06 PM

I visit the Kwik Trip that's right next to Timber Lodge every day at 2:00 (everyone in the office walks over to stretch our legs) and we usually stand outside for 10 minutes or so and we get to hear tons of people in completely impractical cars/trucks/SUVs bitching about gas. We all get a good laugh out of it. For me, the gas prices suck, but it's my fault for living 35 miles out of town, I guess. It's still cheaper to buy gas at $2.30 a gallon and commute from my parents' place than it would be to get an apartment here in town.

Posted by: Rick at April 6, 2005 09:06 AM

Not to mention that gas here is cheap as hell compared to Europe, for example. Not paying the real cost, yadda, yadda, yadda. I don't think Hummers would even exist if we did. Anyway, some in the know say that world oil production is set to peak this decade - it's not that surprising that prices are rising. Hey, that rhymed!

Posted by: klo at April 6, 2005 11:46 AM

Be-yoo-ti-ful! This absolutely made my morning! What a damned idiot to have bought it in the first place and doubly so to think that anyone would give him the tiniest bit of sympathy.

Though I do feel bad for him, he's got a tiny penis. Why else would he need such a big, manyly truck?

And Ryan, try $2.49 for the cheap stuff out here. Then again, we have year round hotties in bikinis here so I'm willing to pay a little extra.

Posted by: Johnny Huh? at April 6, 2005 12:05 PM

JH - And while you are checking out the hotties, you're driving real slow -- thus saving more gas. :)

Posted by: kris at April 6, 2005 12:16 PM

*excellent* example. amen to all of that. americans are such selfish jerks. i also hate it when people complain about the cost of airline tickets. you can get from LA to NY in 5 hours for $500 and you're complaining?

Posted by: leblanc at April 6, 2005 12:42 PM

"americans are such selfish jerks"

Present company excluded, of course?

Posted by: klo at April 6, 2005 04:52 PM

Me, I live in The Bahamas. And for this I pay $3.50/gallon. Good thing I can lap the island in an hour and a half.

Posted by: Mel at April 7, 2005 11:39 PM
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