Rambling Rhodes

Salmon Chanted Evening

You know cabin fever is starting to settle in when you open your refrigerator, find nothing, but then decide it's too cold outside to really do anything about it. That's what I experienced last night.

Yes, my car has a heater, but it's the uncomfortable few minutes I have to endure waiting for it to heat up that keeps me indoors. So, even though I was sufficiently hungry, I wasn't hungry enough to brave the cold and go buy groceries.

I was, however, hungry enough to scrounge. My ensuing search through the mostly bare kitchen yielded a list of ingredients that would never find its way onto Emerill Live.

I found some frozen chicken, about a breast and a quarter, and then I found some fettucine alfredo Chicken Helper way towards the back of the cupboard which, although it was probably five years old, was probably still just fine for human digestion.

Okay, so I had Chicken Helper with an insufficient amount of chicken. There HAD to be something else I could put in there. Oh, there was.

Back during Christmas, my mother sent me a gift basket of assorted cheese and meats and, although I had long since eaten all the really good stuff, there still remained a small box of preserved salmon.

I located that long-lost salmon in another cupboard, cut open the package, had my nostrils assailed by a pungent, cat food-like odor, and then I crumbled the little fish fillet into the burbling pan of fettucine alfredo.

But, I wasn't done with that culinary masterpiece quite yet. I had to KICK IT UP ANOTHER NOTCH!

You see, I like hot and spicy food. Unfortunately, the bare nature of my cupboards meant that they were pretty much devoid of spices. Even the pepper was gone. But, there was a jar of curry powder about one quarter full, so I figured that would have to suffice.

So, to recap: fettucine alfredo Chicken Helper with chicken and salmon, mixed with a goodly portion of curry powder. I know, I know. . . it sounds too good to be true. But wait, there's MORE.

Because I was lacking bread, I opted for the next, closest available item: Saltine crackers.

There I sat, dipping Saltines into my demented concoction and, I'm here to tell you, the taste was something truly unique. It was, like, ALMOST fettucine alfredo, but then, no, it was mostly salmon, but then, no, it was kind of curry. It was as if there was a small battle being fought between my taste buds, with no one army able to take supreme control.

As I fought my way through half a plate of that vile culinary disaster, I looked out the window, and one thought dominated all others:

Cabin fever sucks!

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Posted by Ryan at February 1, 2005 02:12 PM