September 23, 2004

Hi, Gene. I mean, hygiene

So, apparently, there's going to be a new phone coming out that can actually tell you whether you have bad breath, or if you're giving off offensive odors.

It's not enough that we humans struggle every day to ward off body odor, now we'll have phones informing us of such.

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German telecommunications company said on Tuesday it is developing the first mobile phone that will alert users when their breath is bad or if they are giving off offensive smells.

*ring, ring*


"Yeaaaahhh, this is your phone calling. Just thought you'd like to know that you could really use a Tic-Tac right about now."

"Oh. Okay. Thanks for the tip."

"Wait. . . wait. . . I didn't want to tell you this, but I think I have to. Your armpits, dude. . . seriously, take a sniff. You smell that? That's disgusting. You own deodorant, man, so why don't you use it more liberally?"

"Uh, yeah, I suppose you're right. I better get on that. Goodbye."

"WAIT! Wait. . . just wait a second. Look, while we're on the topic, you do realize this is day number three and you're still wearing the same boxer shorts, right?"

"Well, yeah. I've been busy."

"Too busy to change your freakin' drawers? It takes, what, four seconds or so? But, no, you just keep putting it off. Now here you sit, in a pair of soiled boxer shorts that smell like you shit yourself and then ran a marathon. Come on, man, change those things or, at the very least, go commando for the rest of the day. Seriously, it's revolting."

The phone will use a tiny chip measuring less than one millimeter to detect unpleasant odors, a spokeswoman for Siemens Mobile said. A research team in the southern city of Munich is developing the device using new sensor technology.

Who do you have to piss off to get put on that research team?

"It examines the air in the immediate vicinity for anything from bad breath and alcohol to atmospheric gas levels," the spokeswoman said. "Some people take smelling good rather seriously."

Yeah, as if we don't have a problem with people perpetually attached to their cell phones as it is. Now the phones will feed of the hygiene paranoia of the human masses. This idea really stinks.

Posted by Ryan at September 23, 2004 01:09 PM

This got sent around the office the other day. Kind of an interesting concept, I don't think it'll do very well in the marketplace but I bet I could have fun with it if I got drunk and took it to a bar.

What do you bet they don't market it in France? Or, if they do, the things will probably just start exploding.

Posted by: Johnny Huh? at September 23, 2004 03:03 PM

They need some sort of suppressing gadget, that's for sure.

Posted by: Ryan at September 23, 2004 03:07 PM


Posted by: David Grenier at September 24, 2004 11:13 AM

Test successful, David. Carry on.

Posted by: Ryan at September 24, 2004 11:57 AM

I tried to post a comment on this entry but MT said I had "questionable content". I removed the swearword and got the same error, so finally I gave up and just reworked the comment into an entry for my blog.

Posted by: David Grenier at September 24, 2004 12:13 PM
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