July 27, 2004

Darth Vader Took Vacations?

Last week, I completed the latest in the Jedi Knight computer game line: Jedi Knight - Jedi Academy. It's your standard Jedi Knight story line: there's some Dark Jedi out in the galaxy that has to be stopped from completing some devious plot.

I've played every Jedi Knight game produced, going all the way back to 1996 and a game version that required a DOS prompt in order to get the game up and running. I played that on a 200 MHz computer with 4.3 GB of drive space, which was considered more storage than I'd ever use in a lifetime. The system today is a 2.6 GHz system with 80 GB of drive space, and half of that is already used up. amazing.

Anyway, there's this mission in Jedi Academy where you have to infiltrate Darth Vader's old palace. The wily Darth is long gone, of course, but his palace remains, apparently as some sort of tourist curiousity. "Oooh, look Mom, that's where the Dark Lord of the Sith used to brood and plot." *flashbulb*

Seriously, the palace stands as a useless relic, but there are nefarious evil-doers seeking to the drain the derelict palace of its residual force powers, kind of like a pot-head snuffling around the couch cusions for a renegade Dorito or two.

The aspect that I found interesting about the palace mission was that you're basically supposed to believe that Vader found time to take a vacation and relax. Watching the Star Wars movies, one got the feeling that ol' Darth was pretty much at his happiest when he was on the bridge of a ship, choking someone from afar. The idea that he occasionally took off to vacation at the Dark Side equivalent of Martha's Vineyard never really crossed my mind.

The folks who dreamt up and designed the palace mission really went all out to show just how bleak the Dark Side of the Force really is. For example, the palace is situated on a planet that regularly pours green acid rain. Now THAT'S evil! I could almost imagine Vader standing on a hilltop, with a stormtrooper holding an umbrella over the Dark Lord, when suddenly Vader has a Bugsy-Segal-in-the-desert-like epiphany.

"I shall build my palace here! It's just so perfectly bleak and evil! Now, my wondrous clone army, create for me a monument befitting your Leader!"

Upon completion, with the building still radiating that new palace smell, Vader kicked off his boots, had his deep breathing helmet suctioned up and out of the way and then he just sat there thinking deep evil thoughts, and maybe sipped on a fruity alcoholic beverage adorned with a small umbrella.

But it was too strong, so he choked the bartended from across the room. Ahhhh, that was the life.

Posted by Ryan at July 27, 2004 12:42 PM

I never got Jedi Academy because I got sick of Jedi Outcast. There were too many lame ass jumping puzzles and I really lost interest. Is Academy like Outcast or is it significantly better? Also, you tried Knights of the Old Republic. That's a Star Wars game I really enjoy.

Posted by: Rick at July 27, 2004 01:04 PM

My last Star Wars game was X-Wing and it was good fun but damned hard. The new Knights of the Old Republic is supposed to be good fun though.

And yeah, ain't nothing better than choking the life out of your bartender at the end of a hard day. Ahh, killing is just so calming!

Posted by: Johnny Huh? at July 27, 2004 01:08 PM

Do you think Darth used to practice his force powers on any livestock he happened to have handy? Such as chickens? Just a thought . . .

Posted by: Simon at July 28, 2004 05:56 AM
Post a comment

Remember personal info?

StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble It!