May 05, 2004

San Antonio

Okay, I realize that I was staying in probably the nicest, most kempt area of all San Antonio, but MAN, is that place nice! I honestly didn't think such a picturesque and entertaining three mile stretch of river could exist in the heart of a city. The downtown of cities are supposed to be concrete and glass spires, with sickly trees gasping for life from pathetic circles of dirt "permitted" along sidewalks.

But, I'll tell you, the San Antonio Riverwalk area was just about the furthest thing you could imagine from the sky-blocking uniformity of most downtowns. Trees. Huge, beautiful trees; gardens really, lined either side of the river, and you could lose yourself to the reality that you were, in fact, walking just 20 feet below a bustling city. But, don't take my word for it. . .


This was just outside of my hotel, the Westin Riverwalk ($185 a freakin' night!). I started out each morning walking this path to the convention center about five blocks away. You'll notice that the trail, which hugs the water's edge, has no railing or protective barrier to keep gaping strollers from toppling off into the water. I, personally, didn't see it happen to anyone, but given that the river is garrisoned on each side with more drinking establishments than you can imagine, I kinda think a lot of people tend to fall into the river at night. I could be wrong, but I bet I'm not.


This is a street view down onto the Riverwalk. It's a pretty "ehhhh" picture, and the only reason I snapped it was because my publisher/boss and I ate at the Republic of Texas (on the left) the night we arrived in San Antonio. Best fajitas I've ever had. EVER!


This is a more artsy attempt to capture the Riverwalk essence (an attempt that I think fails, mind you).


A little ways away, I captured what I thought was a pretty good juxtaposition of art and architecture but, as you can see, I basically snapped a picture of some crap. Ansel Adams, I ain't.


Not far from my hotel, by which I mean it was a hop, skip and a "yee hawwww!" away, was the Alamo. Sadly, I was unable to find Ozzy Osbourne to again take a famous leak on the famous structure, but oh well. I was stuck by how. . . small the Alamo actually is. I was standing there thinking "an army couldn't take over THAT within a few minutes?" Of course you all know that, in 1835, an army led by Santa Anna (a second cousin to Santa Clauss, who pursued a more philanthropic career) eventually overran the now-famous Alamo in a battle that led to the deaths of Davy "Don't Call Me Dave" Crockett, and Jim "I Want A Knife Named After Me" Bowie. The story is legendary, so look it up. However, I should note something overlooked by the history books. Santa Anna, although he took over the Alamo, failed to even fire a shot across the street at. . .


Why Santa Anna left the imposing structure alone, I guess we'll never know.


This little Roman-inspired theater was actually really close my hotel. I don't normally use the word "charming" to describe anything, but in this case I can say the little outdoor theater was charming. I'm told a small wedding ceremony took place there the second day I was in San Antonio, but I didn't see it, although I think it would be a great place to get married, er. . . you know, if I ever hit my head with a crowbar and decided to do that.


This woman, who was, judging by her conversation with me, a recent escapee from an insane asylum for incoherent babblers, was painting the same little theater I took a picture of, obviously. She had a eccentric hat and eccentric handbag to go with her eccentric/crazy personality, but otherwise she seemed nice, or at least she seemed to be nice as I ran down the stairs away from her. I decided I need to drink, so I returned to the hotel, where I found my fellow co-workers in full imbibing mode.


On the left is Kathy, an ad sales rep for our magazine. On the right is Kelly, who is kind of a gopher in that she does a lot of the busy work, like setting up convention hotel reservations and stuff. They both annoy me, but I like them, which makes them pretty much like everyone else I know in my life.


That big guy on the left is Darryl, another ad sales rep. His most successful sales strategy is to say "hey, buy an ad or I'll fall on you," which works amazingly well, from what I understand. Seriously, he's 6'4" and many, many lbs. Admit it, you're thinking of buying an ad from him, just thinking about it. In the center is my publisher/boss, Doug. Best boss I've had, even though his knees in this picture are creaking so bad it's making him flash a totally fake "take the damned picture already" smile. That's me, of course, on the right, flashing an uncharacteristic smile for a camera.

There were other pictures, of course, but I refuse to publish those, for fear of undermining myself when I run for the U.S. Senate, er, you know. . . any more than posting a picture of my ass already has.

Posted by Ryan at May 5, 2004 12:48 AM

That lady with the hat?

A relative of Gary "Foam-o-Styr," perhaps?

Posted by: Rob @ L&R at May 5, 2004 07:26 AM

what the heck is that on your upper lip?

Posted by: The Sisterinlaw at May 5, 2004 08:21 AM

You mean my moustache?

Posted by: Ryan at May 5, 2004 08:37 AM

I am waiting to hear you say that I told you so about Texas. I advised the Riverwalk journey. Us Texans aren't ALL idiots!

Posted by: Mandy at May 5, 2004 09:21 AM

You mean my moustache?

Is that what that is? I thought it was a clever disguise to fool nearsighted lesbians into kissing you with tongue.

Seriously, shave that thing off immediately. I know you feel you have a hair deficit and all, but carrying a ferret around on your face is not the solution. I look at this picture and I can see a perfectly attractive bald guy struggling to be free. Set him free, Ryan. Set him free.

Posted by: Joshua at May 5, 2004 02:26 PM

I always knew Joshua wanted me.

Posted by: Ryan at May 5, 2004 02:29 PM

I'm glad that at least Joshua saw that THING on your upper lip too. Is Joshua bald too? He has become my favorite blogger..sorry Ryan, take a backseat.

Posted by: the sisterinlaw at May 5, 2004 02:38 PM

You! Out of the family!!

Posted by: Ryan at May 5, 2004 03:19 PM

Don't tempt me...

Posted by: the sisterinlaw at May 5, 2004 04:36 PM

Damnit, now I've got that old DJ Quik song stuck in my head about having to wear a bulletproof vest in San Antonio.

And the sculpture looks like a humongous IUD. Vaguely erotic.

And I remember the Alamo. I didn't remember it being so small though. Maybe its because I studied it when I was a kid and have since grown up?

Posted by: Johnny Huh? at May 5, 2004 05:23 PM

Leave him alone, he's going thru a "Jesse the Body" phase.

Posted by: Rob @ L&R at May 5, 2004 06:16 PM

Is Joshua bald too?

No. But I am prematurely gray.

Posted by: Joshua at May 5, 2004 06:32 PM

I always knew Joshua wanted me.

ps - I've never denied it.

Posted by: Joshua at May 5, 2004 10:32 PM

Back in the mid-70's, the Riverwalk was a scary-assed place, just like most inner cities. Henry Cisneros (later head of HUD?) was mayor and got the place cleaned up. I'm glad to see it's still looking good.

My main reaction to San Antone was "damn, there's hookers and pushers everywhere!", and about the Alamo: "that's all?!?!?"

Posted by: Ted at May 6, 2004 08:20 AM

I've always pictured/fantasized that Joshua was a Vinn Diesel look alike. A girl can dream, can't she???

Posted by: the sisterinlaw at May 6, 2004 08:30 AM

It came to me last night, Ryan was undercover. He's actually a secret service agent and the lip caterpillar was his cover.

Posted by: Johnny Huh? at May 6, 2004 11:30 AM

I've always pictured/fantasized that Joshua was a Vinn Diesel look alike. A girl can dream, can't she???

Kind of more of an Eric Bana / George Clooney combo (or so I've been told)-- except with glasses. And 6'4".

Posted by: Joshua at May 6, 2004 05:25 PM

I hate that picture u put there that is abusive to animals jerks

Posted by: T at September 25, 2005 09:02 PM
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