Potty Talk
I don't know when it was that I became a fan of toilet stories. High brow political humor has its place, but nothing brings me into hysterics better than a good story about human defecation or flatulence. I think it's because everyone, from the highest kings to the lowest pauper, have to hunker down and dispose of bodily waste. It's the great equalizer. I've always had fun with dumping. Back in high school, the big joke amongst my peers was to take a dump in one stall, and then shuffle over to another stall to wipe, thereby leaving a great mound of feces with no toilet paper, no doubt perplexing the janitors to no end.
"Don't kids nowadays know that they're supposed to wipe after doing something like that?"
Now that I'm in the work world, I continue to carry my immature view of dooty with me even into the professional restrooms of IBM. Never before have I been an audience to the deafening sound of co-workers who suffer from insane levels of air in the pipes. I try to keep my stall music to a minimum, slowly releasing my subs stealthily into the water below. Those sharing the stalls next to me, however, seem determined to make as much of a production as possible, tooting and rumbling their cheeks as if they're a shuttle lifting off from Cape Cannaveral. How folks can not be embarrassed by such audible displays is beyond me.
Now, I understand that all this is just the body's natural way of disposing of last night's pizza, but I've been trained since the age of three, when my father first had me pull his finger, that this basic humor is the standard by which all other humor is measured. Farts are funny. Even the word fart itself is funny.
It's universal humor, whether it's grown men changing a diaper in "Three Men and a Baby" or the hysterical laxative scene in "Dumb and Dumber," poop and fart noises are always good for an easy gag.
You may be unmoved by this entry or you may be relating. Either way, I don't give a crap.
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