May 10, 2002

Top Ten Reasons Luke Helder

Top Ten Reasons Luke Helder Bombed Mailboxes
10. Tired of being pre-approved by Visa and Mastercard
9. Thought bombings would distract parents from crappy report card
8. Believed that, if he blew up enough mailboxes, he could go into business as a mailbox repairman
7. Was really cheesed off about another postal rate hike
6. Took a game of "truth or dare" just a little too far
5. Had some extra pipe bombs laying around that "needed some detonatin'"
4. Hoped to win top prize on "America's Most Explosive Home Videos"
3. Tee-shirt that said "Ask me about my crazy ideas about death and government" just wasn't getting enough attention
2. Believed postmans' creed, "neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow," needed to be tweaked to include a pipe bomb reference
1. At 21 years old, he thought he was primed for some good, old-fashioned, rough prison rape

Posted by Ryan at May 10, 2002 02:45 PM
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