May 12, 2002

Sleeping the Day Away Whoever

Sleeping the Day Away
Whoever said "getting there is half the fun" has never awakened after four hours of sleep following a bachelor party, hung over, exhausted, and facing a two hour drive home. Let me tell you, getting there (there being home) was not the least damned bit fun. I pulled into the driveway at about 2 p.m. and I've been sleeping ever since. I'm just now starting to feel somewhat alive. Note to self: I can't endure those all night festivities any more. That's a very tough admission for a 27-year old to make. Next thing I know, I'll be shuffling around the kitchen in ratty slippers and pee-stained pajamas lamenting how old I am. Okay, the pee-stained pajamas may be stretching it a bit, but I think it augments my point brilliantly. And what bachelor party wouldn't be complete without nearly getting into a brawl? Here it was 5 a.m. and the radio was just blaring. There was no way I could fall asleep with bass pounding in my ears, so I went downstairs to find one guy, eyes half open, sucking on a cigarette. So, I explained the situation to the lone music enthusiast and turned it down. Well, three minutes later, the music got loud again, so I went back downstairs and turned it down. Once more, the cigarette smoking man deigned to turn it up again, and I was plenty angry at that point. So, I went downstairs, turned the radio off completely, and told the infidel that if I had to come downstairs again, he was going to go through a window. At this, he grabbed a bottle and tried to smash it on the counter, only it didn't break, but the resounding *whack* brought everyone running to the kitchen. In a move of dexterity I didn't know I was capable of at 5 a.m., I swiped the beer bottle out of his hand (managing to catch and hold onto it in the process, which had to look just incredibly cool), and he was left with a "I don't have a weapon anymore" look on his face. Now, I'm not a violent guy, but I'm fairly convinced that, if he had been able to break the bottle, he would have come after me with it, and this made me so unbelievably angry, I was practically seeing red. However, I managed to bring myself down and simply threw the bottle behind me, at which point the rest of the party-goers got between us. Of course, I couldn't sleep at all after that, primarily because the guy apparently grabbed a butcher knife and was going to come upstairs to deal with me. However, his brother talked him down and I didn't hear from him again. Now I'm back to being mild-mannered reporter, Ryan Rhodes. And I need a shower like no man has ever needed a shower before me.

Posted by Ryan at May 12, 2002 05:57 PM
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