May 22, 2002

Procrastination, You Are My Enemy

Procrastination, You Are My Enemy
Before I do anything else, I must share this with the world.

I am hereby hanging my head in shame because I forgot to wish my father a happy birthday. It's not like it's that difficult. My parents live and work in Tokyo, so all that's expected of me is to either call or drop an e-mail. That's it. And I couldn't even remember to do that. It sucks to be a bad son. So, after a chastising e-mail from my mother, I sent an apologetic e-mail to my father. I may not be around for a couple of days. You see, I going on a guilt trip. Destination: Shameville, Iowa. Ewwwww, Iowa. *shudder*

I see in the news that America is still under alert for more terrorist attacks. I really don't need the alert any more. Can't I just assume that, for the rest of my days here on earth, my existence will forever be under the ominous haze of potential terrorism? Wouldn't that be easier? Yes, I'm fully aware that there are totally disturbed people out there who believe it is their holy duty to go out there and blow themselves and others apart. Yes, I'm fully aware that those same people will eventually gain access to nuclear, chemical and biological weapons and use them indiscriminately against innocent people whose only crime is that they had the audacity to try and live a normal existence. I figured all of this out on my own in the hours directly following 9/11. I really don't care to hear the folks in Washington cry "Fire!" whenever a whiff of criticism comes their way.
"Excuse me, Mr. Bush, what about the whole Enron thing?"
"Duck, you fool! Don't you know there's terror afoot?! Go to red alert, men!"
"Er, yes, well, I was just wondering why our economy continues to sputter along and. . ."
"Red alert! Red alert! How can you possibly question us during this difficult time? Don't you know that we're at war?"
"Um, yes, I know we're at war. We're quite busy over there in Afghanistan, but I was just curious why our top intelligence agencies were bickering and ignoring crucial information leading up to the attacks."
"They may have nukes! Do you know what that means?! Great Jupiter, man! Hide! Seek shelter! Vote Bush!"

I'll be absent for the next couple of days, because I'll be attending the wedding of my good friend and former roommate, Mark. I get to be all smoking hot in a tuxedo and hit on women I don't know and get rejected by women I don't know. It should be loads of fun! Also, it appears that Minnesota has finally decided to allow its residents to enjoy warm weather again. Joy! I'll be able to go running tonight and not debate whether to wear a sweatshirt or a tee-shirt. Who knows? It may be warm enough that I can opt for no shirt. Watch out world, hairy chested man coming through. Ladies, you may commence with the groping.

Posted by Ryan at May 22, 2002 12:45 PM
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