May 28, 2002

Sunburned Nose and Sunburned Toes

Sunburned Nose and Sunburned Toes
I think I may have been a little too eager to soak up the sun over the weekend. Despite my diligent slathering of sunscreen, I seemed to have forgotten some key exposed areas, namely the back of my knees, my nose, and the toes that peer forth from my sandles. My back is also toasty, owing mainly to the fact that I can't reach every spot back there, and I'll be damned if I was going to ask any of my golfing partners to cover my back. If someone is going to oil up my back, I'd prefer if that person happens to be a tall blonde woman with titanic breasts and a nymphomaniac demeanor. Lacking that, I opted to sacrifice my back to skin cancer in about 20 years. Anyway, of all my burned spots, the toes are the most uncomfortable. All ten digits screamed bloody murder when the hot water splashed upon them during this morning's shower. As I dried off, I noticed that each toe resembled a miniature pulsating heart, and they were none too pleased when I toweled them off and encased them in their daily cast of sock and shoe. They're still protesting their imprisonment, but I'm able to withstand their painful wailings. Let's indulge in a little haiku:

Toes exposed to sun.
Sunburned toes a source of pain.
Peeling toes are gross.

Sizzling digits burn.
Red swollen toes make me cry.
Amputation please.

I also pulled a hamstring while cutting a rug at the wedding dance Friday night. I have never before pulled a hamstring, and I'm of the opinion now that they hurt considerably. It feels as if I'm being perpetually punched in the back of my thigh by a two foot tall bodybuilder. That's what I get for doing the splits on a beer-soaked dance floor.

Posted by Ryan at May 28, 2002 01:52 PM
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