June 08, 2002

That's My Secret One of

That's My Secret

One of the drawbacks about going to my hometown, even for a short stint, is that I have to remember to pack the bare essentials, such as deodorant, contact solution, and other such things. Well, I awoke today, scuffled around in my duffel bag, realized I did not pack my deodorant, and was forced to use my mother's Secret. It's a real blow to the male ego to run a stick of Secret under the pits, particularly when it's your mother's Secret. Sure, it may be strong enough for a man, and made for a woman, but it smells like extra perfumed ass. Men have a wide assortment of fragrances to choose from to cleanse the armpit. I'm partial to Right Guard XTreme Sport Clear Stick: Cool Peak fragrance. I also like the Fresh Blast smell, although I've been known to cheat and use Speed Stick: Aqua Sport, just to mix things up a little. See? Men's deodorant makes it seem as if slathering your pits is akin to climbing Everest or bungee jumping. Who would have thought that covering up body odor could be so cool?

"Oh, wow! This stuff is XTreme! It simply has to be good! I'd better buy a case of this stuff."

But, alas, women do not have the luxury of a tough sounding deodorant. Rather than a visually loud stick of pit paint, with a super cool sounding name like Mega Super Power Blast Estrogen Stick: Thong fragrance, women have to settle for hush hush options like Secret, Soft and Dri, Arrid, Lady Mitchum and Clear Gel Powder Fresh. Where's the excitement in these products? Where's the outrage?! Where's the equality?! Come on ladies, get out there and demand a more entertaining line of female pit sticks!

If for no other reason, do it so I never have to use my mother's Secret ever again.

Posted by Ryan at June 8, 2002 04:20 PM
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