August 06, 2002

A New Spin On Layoffs

A New Spin On Layoffs

Additional Offices Open Up Throughout IBM Rochester Site

ROCHESTER, Minn. (RHODES MEDIA SERVICES) Aug. 6 -- IBM today announced a major initiative to free up office space throughout their Rochester facilities, a move that could, at the end of the month, provide as many as 80 vacant offices.

Called the "Office Reclimation Initiative," the sweeping change will ensure an airy and empty atmosphere within IBM, while creating valuable storage space for unused computers, chairs, desks, phones and other items that have lain dormant since the company discovered it could no longer afford to man the items with the appropriate personnel.

IBM steadfastly denies that its new office reclimation program is, in fact, a substantial layoff, despite the exodus of over 200 people who had to forfeit their jobs so that IBM could make use of their valuable office space.

"Well, yeah, it's definitely going to be hard to keep my head above water financially," said Clyde Shipton, a former software engineer. "But, really, they seemed to be very anxious to free up that office and start moving desks and stuff in there. I think it's all for the best so long as IBM has room to maneuver."

Those employees not ejected from their valuable offices felt relief, but they were also nervous that IBM could come around again in a few weeks and ask for additional office space. Said one frazzled IBM employee who wished to remain anonymous, "who knew our offices were worth their weight in gold? My office is really big, so it could definitely be next."

"Wheeeeeee!" said newly annointed IBM CEO Sam Palmisano as he spun in a chair in one of the newly vacated offices. "Wheeeeeee! Oh, man, now I'm all dizzy, but what fun! This is the type of valuable use we can get out of these offices now that they're devoid of hard-working employees. This is truly the most important program IBM has ever undertaken. Now, if you'll excuse me. Wheeeeeeee!"

Posted by Ryan at August 6, 2002 02:18 PM
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