"What I Believe" c. Ryan Rhodes, June 13, 2001
I believe that I'm a smoking hot specimen of male hunkiness.
I believe that my definition of "smoking hot specimen of male hunkiness" may differ considerably from the rest of the American population.
I believe that this population is rapidly becoming a society of victims.
I believe that if you spill hot coffee on your lap at a drive-thru, you are not entitled to a multi-million dollar settlement. Rather, I believe you should admit you're a clumsy
doofus and drive away with hot coffee in your lap.
I believe in holding doors open for people when I get the chance.
I believe that some people take way too long to walk through doors when somebody is holding them open.
I believe that Bill Gates is an incredibly shrewd capitalistic businessman.
I believe that Microsoft products should be a lot more reliable given how incredibly shrewd Bill Gates is.
I believe that, if it were not for fast food establishments, I would have died eight years ago.
I believe that, thanks to fast food establishments, I'll probably die eight years from now.
I believe it is far more valuable to have a small number of friends who will go out of their way to help me than to have a large group of friends who make excuses.
I believe that, far too often, I may be the friend who makes excuses.
I believe that the best way to keep a part of my friends with me forever is to attempt to enjoy their music, their books, and their food.
I believe that many of my friends have horrible taste in music, books, and food.
I believe that guns do, indeed, kill people.
I believe that knives kill people too, it's just harder to do from 10 or more feet away.
I believe in running and doing other daily exercise because I believe my body truly is a temple.
I believe I maintain one of the hairiest temples on the planet.
I believe I was at my most unproductive in college.
I believe I had the most fun in my life when I was in college.
I believe I've been hurt in relationships and have hurt others in relationships more times than I care to remember.
I believe I'm due to be hurt in relationships and hurt others in relationships more times than I care to imagine.
I believe that 65 percent of all questions in a potential romance can be answered during the first kiss.
I believe that two-thirds of all my first kisses have been good if not great.
I believe that, for the remaining one-third of my first kisses, I would have been better off kissing a ceiling fan set on high.
I believe that getting punched in the gut is an incredibly painful experience.
I believe I would like to meet the two people who punched me in the gut and punch them in the gut.
I believe that the sun will rise tomorrow just as brilliantly as it has for billions of years.
I believe I'll greet tomorrow's brilliant sunrise by covering my eyes with a pillow to catch just a few more minutes of sleep.
I believe the best things on television, in order, are The West Wing, The Simpsons, The National Geographic Channel, The Discovery Channel, The History Channel, and
Comedy Central.
I believe everybody who watches reality-based TV shows should get out and ride a bike, go walking, or engage in conversation with friends and/or family.
I believe cell phones are a wonderful invention that can be incredibly useful in today's fast-moving society.
I believe anybody who brings a cell phone along on a date should have hot coffee poured on his or her lap, preferably by his or her date.
I believe that waiters and waitresses have tough and often thankless jobs and people who don't treat them with respect are not nice people.
I believe that many restaurants hire sub-standard waiters and waitresses.
I believe in sleeping late on weekends, love at first sight, running in the rain, dancing as if no one is watching, and taking the time to talk to people who take the time to talk to me.
Finally, I believe that everyone should take the time to seriously think about what they believe.
Stumble It!
