The Problem With Staying Current
I had to mess up some time.
I've been scoring major guy points with the redhead I've been seeing for about three months. I've gotten her flowers for no reason (good points), I've spent a couple weekends in the cities with her and went to her friend's birthday celebration (decent points), and I remembered her mentioning that she was trying to build a Disney DVD collection and her next purchase was going to be Monsters Inc., which I bought for her and surprised her with (mega super good points).
Then, she started sniffing around, asking me how many of my friends knew about her. As far as I know, all my friends know about her, though most have not yet met her. That pleased her. Then she asked me if my parents knew about her, which they do. But. . .
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"Oh, yeah, my parents know all about you," I said as I tapped away at my computer.
"And what do they say?" she asked, obviously fishing for some sort of affirmation that my parents living in Tokyo approve of her or something.
"They said it sounds like my current girlfriend sounds really nice," I said, and I immediately knew which word I uttered totally did not belong.
"Current girlfriend? Oh, that's real nice," she said, obviously miffed. I dropped my chin to my chest, frantically thinking of some way to rectify the situation.
"Well, currently, you're my girlfriend, right?" I asked as I turned to look at her, lying naked on my bed beneath the sheets. I left my desk and joined her under the covers, hoping my close proximity would somehow defuse her agitation.
"Current just kind of lumps me with all the other women," she said, and I had to smile as I imagined a Ryan Rhodes harem of 30 women lumped together in an erotic game of Twister. Granted, saying she was my current girlfriend really didn't sound good, but at the same time it was totally true and honest. She is my current girlfriend. The more I thought about it, the more justified I felt, so I pressed the issue once more.
"Think about it," I said. "We could be going out for three years, and you'd still be my current girlfriend."
"I just don't like the word current," she shot back. "It diminishes my importance."
This was a very good point, but since I had pretty much erased all the points I accrued with the flowers and Monsters Inc., I thought I'd go further in the red.
"So, how should I introduce you to people?" I asked. "Should I say, 'this is Melissa, she's the successor to the throne of my previous girlfriends.'"
She dug her toenail into my calf.
"You're not being funny," she warned, and I knew I was treading dangerously close to an unknown precipice.
So, I flipped on the TV and turned to "Trading Spaces" on TLC and I actually enjoyed watching it. I think I earned a few points with that.
As current girlfriends go, she's easy to please.
Posted by Ryan at September 30, 2002 11:51 AM
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