October 08, 2002

How Does One Train a

How Does One Train a Kamikaze Pilot?

According to a recent news item from my beloved Oddly Enough News, Kamikaze Instructor Meets War Veterans. Now here's a head-scratcher of a question for you: How does one train a kamikaze pilot?

Just by virtue of the fact that the teacher was alive, that would seem that he was, at the very least, a failed kamikaze pilot, not the type of guy you want teaching a class filled with aspiring kamikazes. Granted, it's probably much easier to learn kamikaze techniques from a living teacher than a corpse, but I'd prefer to learn from the best rather than some joker who didn't even have the common decency to slam an airplane into the broadside of a battleship himself. I can just imagine a classroom full of incredulous students.

KAMIKAZE INSTRUCTOR: Now, pay attention class and open your kamikaze manuals to page 36. Read your books carefully because this knowledge could very well save your life one day. . .er. . . I mean. On second thought, let's put our books down and I'll write on the board.

KAMIKAZE STUDENT #1 *whispering to neighbor*: This guy doesn't know what he's talking about. Look at him up there, breathing air, with a pulse. He's no kamikaze pilot.

KAMIKAZE STUDENT #2: I know what you mean. My four brothers all died gloriously last week. Each one of them had more kamikaze knowledge in their little fingers than this guy will ever have.

KAMIKAZE INSTRUCTOR: Is there a problem back there? Maybe you'd like to come up here and teach the class. No? Then I suggest you pay attention. Now, as I was saying, the landing gear must be in a locked position prior to landing and. . . you know what? Now that I think about it, the landing gear really doesn't apply to this class.

KAMIKAZE STUDENT #1: Man, I can't stand this guy. I'd plunge a blade into my abdomen and sever my own internal organs right now if it were up to me. Just get me up in the air so I can crash and explode already. This class is so pointless.

KAMIKAZE INSTRUCTOR: Okay, I've had just about enough of your talking back there. There are some students in this class who really want to learn how to die properly, but you're disrupting everything with all your talk. Maybe you're telling me you want to take a test. Is that it? Well, I can certainly accomodate you.

KAMIKAZE online-porn.jpg">CLASS: *groan*

Posted by Ryan at October 8, 2002 02:39 PM
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