November 04, 2002

Election Eve and Two Almost-accidents

Election Eve and Two Almost-accidents

So, I'm driving around the Minneapolis/St. Paul area this weekend, and practically every street corner was adorned with a truly horrifying number of campaign placards, a dizzying array of colors and names that pretty much amount to pollution stuck in the ground. Even prostitutes must travel past those corners and think they look trashy.

PROSTITUTE: Oh, my, God! I can't believe they allow trash like that to just sit on a corner all day long, trying to entice voters. I wonder how many tricks I'm going to turn tonight.

I don't know about you, but I'm not swayed in the least by those elections signs. When confronted with 28 election boards on a single corner, my eyes don't have time enough to digest the conflicting colors, let alone concentrate on a single name. To counteract this effect, people should be more creative in their placement of election placards. Hey, isn't election day pretty close to Christmas (according to most retailers it is)? So, why not put a stuffed Santa in a sleigh, and then string out the placards as if they're reindeer?

"On Daschle, on Dutcher, on Coleman, on Gutknecht, on Mondale, on Penny, on Canfield, on Ozment!"

Of course, I still wouldn't be swayed, but I'd give points for creativity. Only one more campaign day to endure. Can I make it?

Also during my weekend of traversing the metro area, I was treated to two almost-accidents, incidents that involved screeching tires and wide-eyed anticipation of onlookers eager to witness the crunching of metal and a little mayhem. Alas, both times, the drivers were able to avert disaster, denying us expectant bystanders the carnage we so richly deserved to witness.

I have yet to see a full-fledged accident unfold before me and, quite frankly, I'm getting tired of waiting. Oh, sure, I always see the aftermath, with emergency vehicles on-scene and personnel working to free the drivers and any passengers. But, I've never seen two vehicles smash into each other, never seen the crumpling metal and shattering glass, and I just think that would be cool. It would give me a neat story to relate. Instead, I'm treated to "almost-accidents," and no one really wants to hear about those.

Posted by Ryan at November 4, 2002 10:11 AM
Post a comment

Remember personal info?

StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble It!