January 27, 2003

News Flash: Raider Fans Channel

News Flash: Raider Fans Channel Their Inner Ralph Wiggum

There I was, slacking at work, wondering how Raider fans were coping with their crushing defeat, when I came across this article. Apparently, Ralph Wiggum is a Raiders fan. "The Raiders dressed themselves!" Ralph was reported to have said after the Raiders decided to spot the Bucs an insurmountable lead. If you'll remember, the fans set their town ablaze last week after defeating the Titans. So, how do they react to a crushing Super Bowl defeat?

Unruly fans set several cars on fire, tossed bus stop benches into the street, burned Christmas trees, broke car windows and blocked parts of International Boulevard in East Oakland following the Raiders' Super Bowl loss Sunday night.

Excuse me, but Christmas trees? What the hell are they still doing with Christmas trees? Did they save them just for this purpose?

``They're just trying to get everybody off the street, but we're just trying to have fun,'' said Jaunel Williams, 14, an eighth-grader at Oakland's Calvin Simmons Middle School, as he covered his face with a T-shirt. (he had just been hit with tear gas) ``This stuff burns my eyes and throat.''

Really? Tear gas burns your eyes and throat? Who knew? With insightful commentary like that, he could be the next John Madden.

``They're playing like they don't want to win,'' said John Carroll, 67, who was so despondent that he turned away from the game during the third quarter to smoke cigarettes outside the Club New Yorker on East 18th Street in Oakland.

Can you imagine being so depressed that you tuck a carton of Winstons under your arm and you go outside with the sole purpose of puffing down heaters until the tears flow no more?

``They are making asses of themselves between fumbles, sacks and interceptions,'' said Carroll, a lifelong East Oakland resident. ``They are playing worse than a normal high school football team.''

Oh, I was confused. I thought they were making asses of themselves DURING fumbles, sacks and interceptions. And if the Raiders' play reflected the skills shown by "normal" high school football teams, I sure wouldn't want to watch a "bad" high school football team.

Added Debbie Nobrega-Tabarez, 40, of Oakland, who was wearing a gray and black mask that looked as though she had painted her face: ``I was crying until half time, and then I stopped crying.''

Seriously, people, I'm not making this stuff up. Oakland fans actually said these things. Is everyone from Oakland sipping from the same bucket of "duh?"

``I didn't see enough heart in the game,'' said Michael Carter, a die-hard fan who spent the night at Smitty's, an Oakland bar on Grand Avenue near Lake Merritt. ``It seemed like Tampa wanted to win more.''

You mean because they won? Yeah, that would be a good indication. Sheesh *rolling eyes*

Posted by Ryan at January 27, 2003 04:50 PM

Party Pocker - Poker

Posted by: Party Pocker at October 19, 2004 05:57 AM
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