Rambling Rhodes

Ryan In The Sky, Without

Ryan In The Sky, Without Diamonds

And so this week begins the flurry of flights I've been dreading for over a month. On Sunday, I board a plane bound for Dallas for a convention where I'll have to shmooze with technology company representatives and sit in on mind-numbing technology seminars for three days.

Here's the deal: I've been at this magazine writing job for over a year, and not a day goes by that I don't feel like a total and complete fraud. Sure, I write extensive articles about IBM computers, and software solutions like RPG and COBOL and a whole bunch of other acronyms, but I have never, ever, ever totally understood what it is I'm writing about. I just string together impressive sounding sentences and hope my bullshit isn't questioned too intently.

And, so far, I've gotten away with it. I've been able to bullshit my way through article after article, and not only do I do it successfully, I occasionally get praised. I look back on my archives and I think "I can't believe I did that." Back in elementary school, I remember thinking how cool it would be if all my homework would be completed flawlessly as soon as it was handed out. That's sort of how I feel here. I complete my homework without at all understanding how I do it. It's like magic. And I get paid! I guess it's best not to question it.

So, yeah, anyway. Dallas. I've never been to Texas, and I probably won't be able to walk around too much during my stay, but it's always cool to add another state to the list of states I've visited. I'll be staying at a hotel called Le Meridian, which sounds super swanky and makes me want to speak French and surrender to someone. If you know of anything exciting to do in Dallas, please let me know (Kim and Kim and Mandy, this means you!).

Come the weekend of March 1 (my 28th birthday *groan*) I'll be firmly grounded in Minnesota, a brief respite before taking off for Indianapolis March 7 for yet another techology conference and more shmoozing. I can't say I'm too excited about Indianapolis (Motto: We're Located in Indiana!), because there's really nothing to look forward to. It's not like Indianapolis is the entertainment capital of the world. Hell, I've been informed that we're going to take a tour of the speedway, and personally I'd rather vomit thumb tacks. I'm not a racing fan. I'm not even remotely close to being a racing fan. First and foremost, I don't drink enough beer to qualify as a racing fan. So, Indianapolis time will likely consist of large doses of hotel room.

Finally, come March 15, Mel and I will be jetting to Colorado to stay with my brother and sister-in-law and do a little skiing at Winter Park. My sister-in-law, Jody, works there and gets discounts on everything from lift tickets, to ski rentals, to ski lessons. So, a Colorado ski trip is unusually cheap for me, what with room and board and skiing being pretty much free, and the airplane ticket being a birthday gift from the parents. Mel still had to cough up $233 to go (hey, I've only been dating her for less than a year, so she has to pay for SOME things), and she's really looking forward to the trip. I can't wait either.

So, I'll be doing a lot of airplane time over the next month, and I'll be sure to flush the toilet over your respective state in the hopes that a frozen blue cube of airplane sewage will go crashing through your roof.

And I'll probably be thinking a lot about http://www.timboucher.com/journal/wp-content/uploads/2006/11/scarlett_johansson_allure.jpg. I'll be trying to imagine Scarlett Johansson nude. Because a nude Scarlett Johansson would be pretty awesome all around.

Posted by Ryan at February 19, 2003 03:50 PM