April 03, 2003

Special Republican Guards Are People

Special Republican Guards Are People Too
Iraqi Fighters Can Do The Same Things As Everybody Else

BAGHDAD (Rhodes Media Services) -- Iraqi officials today, pressed to explain the difference between regular Republican Guard units and Special Republican Guard units, issued a strongly worded statement that said there was no distinction between the two, except that it takes just a little longer for Special Republican Guards to do some things.

"We love and value all our Republican Guard units equally," said Iraq's Minister of Education, Fahd Salim Shaqrah. "Just because our Special Republican Guards are perceived as different by some people, that does not mean they are any less human. Yes, it takes a bit longer for Special Republican Guards to carry out certain war-related tasks, but that shouldn't represent a failing or shortcoming on their part."

One Special Republican Guard individual who was interviewed, Tariq Ismal Qadiz, appeared to be in good spirits and very optimistic about the war, despite the presence of coalition forces just outside of Baghdad.

"Aliq sallah!" said Qadiz, which, roughly translated, means "Yay!"

With apologies and credits to The Onion and Crank Yankers.

Posted by Ryan at April 3, 2003 12:39 PM
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