June 11, 2003


Via leblanc, I was directed to this little bit of, well, I'm not sure what you'd call it, but they've taken to calling it unbrandamerica.org, or, The Resistance.

The gist of the movement, if you can call it a gist, or even a movement, is the typical ultra-left whining I've come to expect from an anti-globalization and "America is a cesspool" movement that really has no direction beyond e-mail newsgroups that make wayward members turn out en masse at such "evil" events as World Trade Organization meetings.

Let's go to the tape, Ryan. From the site:

In the end, the Resistance was known for one thing – they simply would not participate. Not in the 24-hour economy, the 60-hour work week, the flag-waving parades, the media manias, the permanent fear, the cheers for the troops. And then there was their mark, of course. It crept into daily life, until it became a constant reminder that these really were bleak times. Until one day you no longer knew who was in control - the empire that was everywhere - or this invisible revolution.

Well, at least they were only known for ONE thing. Sheesh.

So, they won't participate in the 24-hour economy, or the 60-hour work week. Fine. Neither do I. I wouldn't work 60 hours a week for anything. And, if they don't want to participate in the 24-hour economy, GREAT! No one is forcing them to go satiate their cannabis-induced hunger at 3 a.m. at the nearest 7-11. No one is forcing them to use ATMs at all hours. If they have a gripe against a 24-hour economy, let them boycott it on their own. But, they should keep their opposition down to a dull roar, because nationwide, there are fathers and mothers coming home from their evening jobs, jobs they take because they provide the money to feed their families while at the same time giving them the precious time they need to care and love and play with their children. You don't have to participate in the 24-hour economy, but don't sit on high in judgement of those that do. Chances are, you couldn't hack one day living in their shoes.

And then they won't participate in the flag-waving parades. That's fine, too. Now there will be more room to sit on the curb and watch the floats go by and watch excited children running out to get candy. And there will be more room at all the festivities and events while "The Resistance" sits at home patting themselves on the back that they're so rebellious and avant garde.

And, oh, wait, they won't participate in the media manias (even though, by organizing this movement, they're not only participating, they're knee-deep in it), the permanent fear (even though this movement is, in fact, a reaction to the permanent fear), the cheers for the troops (you mean those troops that were willing to put their lives on the line so you could sit back at home and conduct your little Resistance movement?).

But, it gets even better. From that opening paragraph of misguided righteous tripe, you move on to the real crux of their big "Black Spot" resistance movement. Ahem:

In the coming months a black spot will pop up everywhere . . . on store windows and newspaper boxes, on gas pumps and supermarket shelves. Open a magazine or newspaper - it's there. It's on TV. It stains the logos and smears the nerve centers of the world's biggest corporations.

So, in other words, this clandestine group is trying to raise money to place ads (but not just any ads; a big black spot! Oohhhhhh. Frightening stuff) in newspapers and magazines, while at the same time tacking up black spots all over the place, in essence adding further to the pollution they so decry. I'm sure the nerve centers of the world's biggest corporations will feel monumentally stained. No, probably not.

This is the mark of the people who don't approve of Bush's plan to control the world, who don't want countries liberated without UN backing, who can't stand anymore neo-con bravado shoved down their throats.

Ah, now we get to their true gripe. Once again, it's all about that evil man in the White House, BUSH. Who knew the man was trying to control the world? Maybe he has a secret lair from which he will demand a world payment of. . . one MILLION dollars. . . while stroking a bald cat. That's the beauty of the ultra-left: they're so focused on their hatred of the Bush administration, they come off sounding, and acting, woefully myopic, misguided, and just plain roll-your-eyes silly.

And they don't want countries liberated without UN backing. Well, gee, they had best not hold their breath then. The last time the UN agreed to a full scale liberation was Afghanistan, and that was only after 9/11. Up until that point, they were just fine with the Taliban and the terrorist training camps. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, the UN has become an ineffectual bureacratic monolith so hampered by the outside machinations of the countries it's supposed to represent, it's good for nothing but passing meaningless resolutions to other countries to please be nice or they'll be forced to pass another resolution. The UN is a feelgood institution that has so far failed miserably to live up to it's post WWII ideals. This is an institution with a human rights council headed by LIBYA, with CUBA as a member. Good Lord, why not set up a business ethics branch of the UN and head it with Martha Stewart and Sam Waksal.

This is the mark of the people who want the Kyoto Protocol for the environment, who want the International Criminal Court for greater justice, who want a world where all nations, including the U.S.A., are free of weapons of mass destruction.

Oh, well, why didn't they just say so. We'll just have the U.S. disassemble it's arsenal of nukes, and I'm absolutely sure North Korea, India, Pakistan and China will all just fall happily into line. Let's all hug, everyone, the nukes are gone. And the International Criminal Court? Isn't that same institution where the butcher Milosevic has sat unpunished, and instead has given him a soapbox from which to yell and scream about the illegality of the Court? I can't argue with the Kyoto Protocol. We should be working to bring down pollution and emissions, but then I would ask the "Resistance" to desist from placing countless black spots all over the place and buying ad space in newspapers and magazines, thus requiring extra pages of "waste."

This is our pledge:

Because my country has sold its soul to corporate power,

You mean the corporate power that allows you to keep your resistance movement online 24/7?

Because consumerism has become our national religion,

Heaven forbid people want to go out and buy clothes and gadgets by which to have fun and enjoy life. Perhaps we should all go out and start our own little gardens and weave pants out of long grass.

Because we've forgotten the true meaning of freedom,

Okay, folks, I'm calling your bluff on this one. What IS the true meaning of freedom? Waiting. *crickets chirping*

And because patriotism now means agreeing with the president,

Yeah, because everyone who voices dissent is being thrown in jail or "disappeared."

I pledge to do my duty . . . and take my country back.

Great, good luck with that. I'll be out in the backyard, sipping a beer and reading Time magazine, virtually oblivious to your meaningless "black spot."

Posted by Ryan at June 11, 2003 12:33 PM
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