July 09, 2003

Beheading The Headlines

I start my day, usually, with a quick perusal of MSNBC.com. It's not the best source of news, nor is it the worst, but it's pretty well rounded. Today offered up some tidbits that were both funny and irritating.

Apparently, Mike Tyson, the paranormal pugilist with an affinity for earlobes, doesn't like his life much. What a crying shame.

NEW YORK, July 8 — Mike Tyson says he has lost his soul as a human being and hates himself. "Maybe in my next life, I'll have a better life,� Tyson said in an interview for Fox Sports Net's "Beyond the Glory,� to be broadcast July 16.

The guy is a thug. A brainless, raping, unfeeling piece of shit thug. He made millions of dollars because he could throw a punch hard enough to send the Ryan Rhodeses of the world into orbit (quick Google search on my name reveals that, hey, I'm a boxer). The adoring masses of the world elevated this waste of human flesh to the level of a god, showering him with money for no other reason but because he could beat people up. I hope in his next life (assuming he's granted such an honor), he comes back as a 98 lb. weakling with a massive intellect but who gets toilet swirlies every day into his 50s. That's karma.

In other sports-related news, the high school basketball phenom, LeBron James, who sports more tattoos at 18 than most sailors in their 60s, made his pseudo NBA debut last night.

ORLANDO, Fla., July 8 — LeBron James dominated the competition to the delight of his audience, then eyeballed the scoreboard for his own satisfaction. With 14 points, seven rebounds and six assists Tuesday night, the most talked-about high school draft pick in NBA history thrilled a huge crowd that waited several hours to see him make his pro basketball debut.

I'm just guessing here, but if I had millions of dollars at my disposal at 18, combined with an adoring public who thought I was the best and brightest thing since the sun flashed into existence, I'm fairly certain that the darker side of life would have enticed me into a world of drugs, drunkeness and unrestrained libido. That's not because I'm a weak human being. It's because I was a complete and total moron at 18, just like every other 18-year-old who ever lived. I'm just now learning how stupid I was at 18, and in retrospect I wasn't all that bright at 25 either. Giving the keys to the castle to an 18 year old basketball prodigy has certain doom spelled all over it. Just ask Kobe Bryant.

Speaking of not learning a damn thing in 18 years, a man emerged from a 19 year coma last month, which would put his last conscious moment somewhere in 1984. Luckily for him, most of the fashion trends common back then are popular again, so the transition to the new millenium hopefully won't be too difficult.

"It's kind of peculiar. He wrecked on Friday the 13th and 19 years later he started talking on Friday the 13th,� Jerry Wallis said.


President Dubya is all over the news today, which I guess isn't too surprising, seeing as how he's the president and all. Apparently, his popularity is slipping. Although I support our actions in Afghanistan and Iraq, overall I don't particularly like this guy. He tends to bumble everything. economy? Sucks. Homeland Security? I'll take vanilla, thank you. Nation building? Needs work.

Discontent with Bush's efforts to revive the economy rose from 53 percent in May to 62 percent, while 72 percent — including 52 percent of Republicans — said the president was not doing enough to deal with the nation's growing health care problems.

If the Democraps, er, Democrats, could maybe find some focus and offer up a candidate who can chip away at our verbally challenged Commander-in-Chief, they may actually have a chance in '04. Lord knows they have plenty of ammunition to use against the Republican'ts, er, RepublicaNs. What sort of ammunition? Oh, I don't know.

WASHINGTON, July 9 — President Bush on Wednesday defended his use of prewar intelligence on Iraq, saying he is "absolutely confident� in his actions despite the discovery that one claim he made about Saddam Hussein's weapons pursuits was based on false information.

As I opined to Arrancia, I'm not phased much by the lack of WMDs in Iraq. I think the discovery of components for a uranium-enriching centrifuge and mobile bio-toxin labs pretty much speak volumes about the intent of the Hussein regime, and I'm still convinced other such discoveries will come to light. Apparently, Saddam's philosophy was "when the going gets tough, bury the shit in the sand." More and more, however, it's becoming obvious that Bush and company used "fuzzy numbers" to expedite the Iraq invasion. Although I approve of the war and the rebuilding effort, I don't like being lied to. That could be a major sticking point for a lot of voters, myself included.

Finally, we learn that the disgusting puke who opened fire on his assembly line colleagues in Marion, Mississippi yesterday was "mad at the world." As much as I hate to defend Mike Tyson at this juncture, at least he just SAYS he hates his life rather than killing five people because of it.

MARION, Miss., July 8 — Police on Wednesday were trying to determine why an assembly-line worker described as "mad at the world� left a business ethics workshop at an aircraft parts plant only to return and gun down 14 colleagues, killing five. Doug Williams shot himself Tuesday following his rampage at the Lockheed Martin plant.

And so begins another day in the never-ending world of the news cycle.

UPDATE: For DD. I went Here. Here. Here. Here. And here. Of course, for every story you find supporting something, there's one right next door debunking it. More often than not, we tend to favor those accounts that bolster our own preconceptions. But, in either case, centrifuge or mobile labs, the burning question remains: why the hell would you bury either? Something's rotten in Denmark, or Iraq as the case may be.

UPDATE: Apparently, a liar lied about Bush lying. Arrrr, the plot thickens.

ANOTHER UPDATE: This post is too serious, so here's some Jennifer Love Hewitt looking sexy. Jennifer Love Hewitt. Jennifer Love Hewitt is sexy. Jennifer Love Hewitt. Jennifer Love Hewitt. Jennifer Love Hewitt nude. Not Jennifer Love Hewitt. Jennifer Love Hewitt has big breasts.

Posted by Ryan at July 9, 2003 11:04 AM
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