September 21, 2007

Another Idea That Should Have Been Mine



Granted, I would have called it something more catchy, like "Bottled Bush," or "Vageline" or "Crotch Rot." Is it just me, or does that model have the severe look of someone who just oozes angry Vulva?

Key Quote: "VULVA Original is not a perfume. It is a beguiling vaginal scent which is purely a substance for your own smelling pleasure. Breathe in and enjoy, anytime, anywhere, the odour of a beautiful woman."

Just imagine, walking into your boss's office, only to see him taking a big whiff of Vulva.

YOU: Oh, sorry, boss.

BOSS: Don't you knock?!

Not that I read up on the product or anything, but apparently you rub Vulva on the back of your hand using a special applicator. You then wait a few moments for it to be absorbed into the skin, at which point you're free to sniff the back of your hand until your nose tingles with the scent of Vulva.

Honestly, how does one become so addicted to the "tangy" aroma of a female's crotch they have to keep a flask of Vulva handy? Is there a 12 step plan in place for dealing with such an addiction?

UPDATE: You know, the more I think about it, the more obsessed with Vulva I'm becoming. For example, notice the package says "Vulva Original," which implies a sequel or follow-up product. And, really, which woman in the world has a claim to the smell of the original Vulva? Eve, I suppose, if you want to get all Biblical. But, then again, there's Summer's Eve douche, which is supposed to scour out that "tangy" smell.

I wonder, if you were to combine Vulva with Summer's Eve, would there be a kind of matter/anti-matter reaction that produces nearly limitless energy? I'm not saying you should try it, necessarily, but I'm curious.

Also, notice the packaging says "Vaginal Scent," which again implies some sort of alternative scent yet to be announced. I'm imagining a throng of horned up males, standing in line, sniffing aggressively at the back of their hands, waiting to purchase their first bottle of "Vulva 2.0: Taint Scent."

LOL UPDATE: Jimmo comments: "$30 per phial? For something I could make myself with a can of StarKist and a strainer?"

That made an already good day, even better.

PROPHETIC UPDATE: I suppose I should be bracing myself for the types of targeted Google ads that are going to start appearing here as a result of this post.

Posted by Ryan at September 21, 2007 09:51 AM | TrackBack


That was a most excellent comment.

Posted by: Ryan at September 21, 2007 02:12 PM

target markets: lonely middle-aged men and bachelor partiers. woo hooo....... sexy.

i have to say, i am not as suprised as i think i should be. it's either because i really do think a lot of men are pathetic slaves to their own sex drives, or because of so many good SNL spoofs over the years. i'm not sure which.

Posted by: amy.leblanc at September 21, 2007 07:39 PM

This link has some answers to your questions:


Posted by: Tarantulady at September 24, 2007 04:44 AM

So here's the thing, I've been with some women that have been, uhhhhhh, pungent in a not so pleasant way. What if you pay $30 and get skunk juice? Not that I'm spending a penny on this stuff.

And this reminds me of the freakish used panties for sale on Ebay thing from a few years back.

Posted by: Erik at September 25, 2007 10:13 PM

Sure, most days the back of the hand things is just fine… some days, you need in on your forearm.

Great post, Rhodes. This made my week.

Posted by: seed at September 28, 2007 12:04 PM
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