I often hear it stated that we’re lucky to live in an age where technology makes our lives so much easier and that staying in touch with friends and loved ones is now just a screen swipe, mouse click or speed dial away.
I suppose there’s some truth to all that, but all it takes to nullify those perceived benefits is to accidentally run your cell phone through a washing machine.
Yes, yes, I did exactly that.
It was just one of those stupid things that happens. I was wearing carpenter jeans with all the extra little pockets, and I had stowed my cell phone in one of those said pouches. It was a long day, and my jeans ended up getting particularly dirty, so I just threw them in the washing machine when I got home. When I went to put my clothes in the dryer, I felt the familiar block of plastic sliding along the bottom of the washing machine.
It was odd, because I knew in my sinking heart that the phone would never sing a ringtone ever again, but then again it just looked so undamaged and, well. . . CLEAN. So, naturally, I tried to turn it on, thinking “maybe, just maybe, it survived its trip through Maytag’s cyclone.”
Of course, it didn’t. My cell phone was dead. Clean, but dead. It even smelled fresh, like Tide, but it was still definitely dead.
I stood there for a few seconds, with one question going through my head: “What is my wife going to say?”
Putting my cell phone through the washing machine is just one of those things I don’t particularly want to tell my wife. Even though my cell phone wasn’t an expensive, uber-smartphone capable of driving a car, it was still something that I have to replace, and I’m almost certain the memory card also didn’t survive the washing machine, so there’s going to be some inconvenience involved, and I don’t like to tell my wife about impending inconveniences. I prefer complete domestic tranquility instead.
But she’s going to figure it out eventually—probably when she reads this, I’m betting. So, maybe I should be more proactive about breaking the news.
WIFE: Why didn’t you answer your phone today?
ME: Oh, that’s right, I forgot to tell you: my phone stopped working.
WIFE: What? When did it stop working?
ME: Well, that’s hard to say, although I’m betting it happened somewhere between the agitator starting and the spin cycle.
WIFE: What is that supposed to mean?
ME: Oh, oh nothing. Hey, look at my new phone!
WIFE: Why do you have a new phone?
ME: No reason.
WIFE: You’re not making any sense!
So, in closing, I think I’ve proven that technology actually makes communicating with friends and family much more difficult.
Russian President Tells Obama: Crimea River
MOSCOW (Rhodes Media Services) -- Russian President Vladimir Putin took time today to respond to President Obama's repeated claims that the Russian invasion of the Crimea region of Ukraine would result in serious consequences.
"Russia is on the wrong side of history," said Obama, before listing several obscure steps that may or may not be taken. "What we are also indicating to the Russians is that if, in fact, they continue on the current trajectory that they're on, that we are examining a whole series of steps -- economic, diplomatic -- that will isolate Russia."
Putin responded, saying Russia is already pretty much isolated, and that it couldn't care less if economic or diplomatic steps, or any series of steps, were being examined, looked at, scrutinized or appreciated from a distance.
He then went on to stress that Crimea represented a very real strategic geography due to its position on the Black Sea, due to sea ports and economic trade that he said must be protected.
"To Russia, it's the Crimea Peninsula that's important," said Putin. "But, I want Mr. Obama to realize how important it is for him to Crimea River."
While acknowledging there is actually a Crimea River in Crimea, and that it serves some mild economic advantage, White House spokesman Jay Carney told reporters that Mr. Putin's remarks were probably poorly translated.
"Quite frankly, Putin's comments made no sense as they were delivered," said Carney. "I think they accurately reflect German Chancellor Angela Merkel's belief that Putin is 'out of touch with reality.' For example, Mr. Putin also said--while laughing so insanely hard he had to drop to his knees, I might add--Secretary of State John Kerry, who is in Kiev, could 'Crimea Lake' before Mr. Putin rolled over on his back in hysterics and said 'no, no, he can CRIMEAN OCEAN!'"
Carney then went on to insist there was no such thing as a Crimean Ocean. He didn't think. He had to check with the President.
