Rambling Rhodes

I Guess I'm It

Doug has tagged me with a meme. This particular meme asks the kind of question that keeps philosophers awake at night. Namely, what sitcom character would you like to be?

Well, let's see. Alex Keaton comes to mind, if for no other reason but for his laser-like intensity to gain wealth. But, there are other reasons. For one, despite his obnoxious personality, Alex was able to hook up with an impressive array of female ass, which I obviously have to respect. Also, his mom was Meredith "The Baxter Stands for HUGE BOOBS"-Birney. Finally. . . TINA YOTHERS. Need I say more? Of Justine Bateman I will say nothing, except that she left the best show in the world, Men Behaving Badly, thereby killing the show, so I will never forgive her.

Mixed in with my Alex Keaton would be a pinch of Judge Harry Stone.

Who wouldn't want to be a wacky night court judge who had Gomez Adams for a dad? With an on-again, off-again relationship with Markie Post to boot! And Roz! And Bull!

Yup, Judge Harold P. Keaton. That's the me I wish was me.

How bout you, Mitch? Cathy?

Shameless Blog Traffic Whoring

It's been getting kind of slow here at Rambling Rhodes, so I think I need to drop some popular terms that seem to the have the Internet all abuzz, all in the name of shamelessly boosting my SiteMeter stats. So, here goes:

Tamara Hoover. Tamara Hoover. Tamara Hoover. Tamara Hoover. Tamara Hoover. Tamara Hoover. Tamara Hoover. Tamara Hoover. Tamara Hoover. Tamara Hoover. Tamara Hoover. Tamara Hoover. Tamara Hoover. Tamara Hoover. Tamara Hoover. Tamara Hoover. Tamara Hoover. Tamara Hoover. Tamara Hoover. Tamara Hoover. Tamara Hoover. Tamara Hoover. Tamara Hoover.

The One Percent Doctrine. The One Percent Doctrine. The One Percent Doctrine. The One Percent Doctrine. The One Percent Doctrine. The One Percent Doctrine. The One Percent Doctrine. The One Percent Doctrine. The One Percent Doctrine. The One Percent Doctrine. The One Percent Doctrine. The One Percent Doctrine. The One Percent Doctrine. The One Percent Doctrine. The One Percent Doctrine. The One Percent Doctrine. The One Percent Doctrine.

Heh, over 800 visitors to this site today already, and it's not even noon yet. Tara Reid's breasts are apparently still a hot commodity on the Internet today.

How I'm Feeling Today

Oh, I'll let Lileks explain:

I am not susceptible to disaster scenarios. I do not believe we have ten years to prevent the inevitable collapse of civilization. As long as I can remember I have been fed end-times scenarios – death by ice, death by fire, death by famine, death by smothering from heaps of clambering humans scrabbling for purchase on an overpopulated world, death by full-scale nuclear exchange, death by unstoppable global AIDS, death by a two-degree rise in temperatures, death by radon, death by alar, death by inadvertent Audi acceleration, death by juju. Doesn't mean we won't die of juju. But somehow we survive. The only thing I take away is a vague wistful wonder what it would be like to live in an era when things were generally so bad that the futurists spent their time assuring us it would be better. Say what you will about the past, but at least they had a future. All I've ever had, according to the experts, is a grim narrow window of heedless ignorance bliss followed by a dystopian irradiated world characterized by scarcity, mutation, and quite possibly intelligent chimps. You have no future. Oh, and don't smoke!

Bah.

Rah, Rah!

Caroline says: Rah Rah Rochester.

Caroline says: W

Caroline says: T

Caroline says: F

Ryan says: I read about it yesterday on the P-B blog.

Caroline says: Say it like you're going to sneeze: "rah ... rah ... ROCHESTER"

Ryan says: 18 months to come up with RAH, RAH, Rochester?

Ryan says:I would have come up with "Rut Roh, Rochester!"

Caroline says: Well, if the "team" consisted of people like you and me, I'm surprised it didn't take them longer.

Caroline says: Case in point. Thanks.

Ryan says: Or "Reeeee Roooooo, Rochester."

Caroline says: Raka Rooo Rochester

Ryan says: Rot-chester!

Caroline says: How about the Mayo-licious quote?

Ryan says: Considering there are people like myself that hate mayonnaise, not such a good idea.

Caroline says: Officials from the Greater Minneapolis Convention and Visitors Association are keeping an eye on the Rochester branding initiative.

Caroline says: Didn't you apply there?

Ryan says: I believe I did, yes.

Caroline says: Yikes

Ryan says: And I was rejected.

Caroline says: It's a good feeling.

Ryan says: Seeing as how the job description is apparently "keeping an eye" on Rochester's branding initiative, I think I really missed out on a nice cushy job.

Caroline says: Do you think people really think we drive to work on dogsleds?

Caroline says: "Half the people here read technical journals in the bathroom," said Jones.

Caroline says: Dude, he's talking about YOU

Ryan says: I'm half the people here?

Caroline says: What do you take with you to the john?

Ryan says: eWeek.

Caroline says: That's technical.

Knifey News

There's a lot of talk about gun control in the United States today. Some people are all, like, "we have to control guns!" And other people are all, like, "leave my guns alone, man!" And the people who want to control guns are, like, apparently unaware that the people they're arguing with are probably armed with guns, so they should probably just pipe down.

Elsewhere in the world, however, guns aren't the problem. No, elsewhere in the world, the problem is knives, and swords, and other pointy-slashy things. And because I have absolutely no idea about what else to write about this week, I'm bringing to you, my valued readers, the first-ever installment of "Knives in the News," an in-depth analysis of knives and their impact on today's global community.

We turn our attention this week to Beijing, China, and a June 20, Reuters news report that informs us "a Chinese woman has been charged with accidentally killing her husband with a sword after he refused to make her dinner, the Shanghai Daily said on Tuesday."

Ah, yes, that old familiar tale about the accidental slaying by sword. We all have one of those stories tucked in our past somewhere. You were just cleaning it, and it went off. Or, you were just innocently swinging a sword, and by gosh if someone didn't just get in the way. You can't swing a dead cat. . . on a sword. . . um. . . without slaying someone. . . or a cat, or Emma Watson. . . I have no idea where I'm going with this.

"Police said Tang Xiaowan, 25, who has been practicing swordsmanship since she was young, had often forced her husband of three years at swordpoint to carry out her demands."

At what point in a marriage can you definitively state that the man has officially lost any and all say on every issue? Answer: when the following dialogue occurs:

"Carry out my will, or I shall slashify you!"

"Yes, dear."

We turn now to London, England--without even once making fun of the name "Tang"--where another June 20 Reuters news item reports that "children as young as 12 are still able to buy knives in British shops, despite months of publicity about fatal stabbings, a survey has found."

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, England now has so little to worry about, they've launched an all-out publicity war against KNIVES. Next, they plan to move on to fists, then feet. Mark my words, 20 years from now, England will consist entirely of a population with no hands or feet, and a new publicity war against teeth; which, now that I think about it, is pretty much already unintentionally underway.

"Children aged 12 to 14 were able to buy knives on 28 percent of attempts, according to the Trading Standards Institute (TSI)."

And what kind of horrid blades of death were these youths able to procure? Glad you asked!

"In Northamptonshire, two 13-year-old boys were sold knives on five out of 10 attempts. These included long-bladed kitchen knives and a Stanley box-cutting knife."

Oh NO! What if these dastardly demons intended to cook something or, Heaven forbid, cut a box?

"In Slough, a boy aged 12 and girl aged 13 bought a 10-piece knife set, two carving knives and a 20 cm bread knife."

You know what I think England needs? England needs an army of Chinese Tangs to go over there and show those British what's what.

Congresswoman Ellen Tauscher Endorses Hillary Clinton

Clinton.com/news/release/view/?id=2461">Link.

The Hillary Clinton Campaign announced today the endorsement of California Congresswoman Ellen Tauscher, illustrating the continued growing support Senator Clinton has in the Golden State.

"America is ready for a leader who will end the war in Iraq and a president who will respect our Armed Forces and military families," said Rep. Tauscher. "Hillary Clinton is the candidate with the experience to lead our country and I'm confident she will make a great President. I am very proud to endorse her candidacy."

Congresswoman Ellen Tauscher is currently serving her sixth term and is Chair of the Strategic Forces Subcommittee, becoming only the third woman in history to Chair an Armed Services Subcommittee. Rep. Tauscher is also the first California Democrat to be elevated to an Armed Services Subcommittee Chairmanship since 1992. She is a leader on defense, homeland security, high-tech, transportation and veterans' issues and is known as one of Congress's leading experts on nuclear nonproliferation.

As a member of the House Armed Services Committee, Rep. Tauscher has taken an active role in foreign policy and national security. She has traveled to the Middle East five times since the start of the Iraq war, including three trips to Iraq, and has visited troops and foreign leaders in Afghanistan and other Central Asian countries while serving in Congress.

"I am honored to have the support of Congresswoman Tauscher," said Hillary Clinton. "In Congress she is a leader on many national defense and military issue, and is also a staunch advocate for working families, students and businesses."

I'm not dead

No, I'm not dead. My blogging has just sucked ass due to actual work. I've come to the conclusion that actual work actually sucks.

On the plus side, my magazine for July/August reportedly consisted of the biggest ad revenue in the history of the magazine, which doesn't mean anything to me, although it might ensure employment for at least another couple of months. So, you know, there's that and stuff.