June 01, 2006
I've Got Your code Right Here
Okay, you can admit it. Just between you and me—and the other five people who read this—you're kind of sick and tired of hearing about "The Da Vinci code," aren't you? Don't be ashamed. Go on, raise your hand. You there, in the back, don't lie. I saw you wince when you read the title just now.
Let's engage in a nice, carthartic release, shall we. On the count of three, let's yell at the top of our voices: "shut up, shut up, shut up about ‘The Da Vinci code' already."
Ready? 1. . . 2. . . 3
SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP ABOUT "THE DA VINCI code" ALREADY!!
There, now that we've gotten that out of the way, I thought I'd write a little bit about "The Da Vinci code." Not to worry, I have no intention of including spoilers regarding the plot and the—Dum, DUM DUMMM—hidden truths "revealed" in the book, except for when I do. And, no, I have NOT seen the movie. Reading the book was torture enough, thank you very much.
I know, I know, criticizing the Blessed code just proves I'm simply a nay-saying stick in the mud. Which, of course, "stick in the mud" is a saying that has its roots in the Latin term, "stickus indo mudus," which translated into German is "der shtick ist ein muddenshtein," which of course in English means "that's a mighty muddy stick you have there." This has deep religious significance, since it's generally known that Moses walked with a stick, and most surely stuck that stick in the mud while making his way through the parted Red Sea. Therefore, by saying I'm a nay-saying stick in the mud, you are, in fact, implying that I'm a nay-saying Moses, so you're kind of complimenting me, in a way.
Anyway, getting back to "The Da Vinci code," where the main bad guy is a self-flagellating albino assassin monk. I'll write that again so it can soak in nice and good: the main bad guy is a self-flagellating albino assassin monk. Call me a nay-saying Moses if you will, but you'd think a guy with a personal resume like that would tend to stick out a bit. Hey, look at the self-flagellating albino monk! It has to be nearly impossible to work as an assassin with that level of visibility.
"Oh, Moses," you say to me. "It's a book of fiction; the author has creative license to create a less-than-believable bad guy."
Poppycock, I say to you. Poppycock! Poppycock, as most everyone on the planet and Mars should know, comes from the ancient Greek word poppacean-coccyx, which is commonly known to have been a popular model of chair that was very comfortable. So, when I say poppycock to you, I'm saying "Sit down!" This has deep religious significance, since many major figures in the Bible, it is widely believed, likely sat down quite a bit. Therefore, telling you to sit down is basically telling you to "Be Like Methuselah!" And, since Methuselah is Biblically reported to have lived to be 969 years old, I'm telling you to do something quite remarkable.
Without giving the plot away to the two or three of you who haven't read the book or seen the movie, I'll simply say it's a race against time—and against a self-flagellating albino assassin monk—to locate the long-lost Holy Grail, which turns out not to be what you might think it is.
This is a literary device known as the bait-and-switch, which is to promise one thing, while delivering something else entirely. This is also a common practice in shoe stores today, and in fact dates back to Roman times, when shops that sold sandals (called "switches" then) also sold fishing bait. Therefore, "Bait and Switch" shops were a very common sight. The religious implications of this are profound, indeed, as some scholars hint that Jesus may have purchased sandals from a Bait and Switch shop just prior to his walking on water miracle. Scholars surmise that Jesus was walking, not on water, but on a solid school of fish near the surface that were attracted by the smell of bait on Jesus' new sandals.
I'm going to stop now before this entry gets even more ridiculous than "The Da Vinci code."
Dark Knight. Heath Ledger. Batman. The Joker. Dark Knight. Heath Ledger. Batman. The Joker. Dark Knight. Heath Ledger. Batman. The Joker.
May 30, 2006
Job Searching Thoughts
As I've been searching for alternative employment over the past few months, I've noticed a few things, not the least of which being that I'm not, apparently, a hot commodity that companies are rip-roaring-raring to interview. But, anyway. . .
Back in 1998, I spent four months following college graduation sending out resumes to any and every job that even remotely sounded related to my field. Back then, all those eight years ago, it was still considered Gospel that hardcopy resumes and applications were the preferred method of getting your name in front of employers. It showed you were professional and willing to take the time to put together a nice package outlining your skills and experience. Hell, in late 2001, that was still largely the case, although I did manage to land my current position through a resume posted on Monster.com.
What I'm learning in my current quest for a new job is that the snail mail method of resume submission is now frowned upon. Okay, maybe not necessarily frowned upon, but it's definitely no longer preferred. Companies now prefer e-mail and online resume and application submissions, which they can more easily digitally save and sort.
Which. . .
On the one hand, it's super-simple to apply for jobs and send out resumes now, and it doesn't cost a stamp. I can apply to over 30 jobs a day if I have the time and ambition. That's all fine and dandy. The downside, of course, is that everyone else in a 50 state radius and India can also apply to the same 30 jobs a day, or more. So, I'm competing, basically, against an entire database full of job-hungry professionals like myself.
That's not necessarily a bad (or good) thing. But I find myself wondering how to make my resumes and applications stand out amidst a veritable sea of online submissions. In the hardcopy days of snail mail, a snazzy visual presentation got you to the front of the line a lot of times. It's difficult, in my view, to put together a snazzy presentation when you're working with online forms and e-mail. I find myself trying to figure out what words a company's resume/application search engine may or may not flag as important for any given position.
Another thing I've noticed is the anemic volume of employment classified ads in the local newspaper, the Rochester Post-Bulletin. Again, back in 1998, newspapers were my go-to source for job searching. The big dog companies in Rochester--the Mayo Clinic and IBM--often ran fairly large ads to entice job seekers. Over the past few months, I don't think I've seen one Mayo Clinic or IBM employment ad, as they rely almost entirely on their own Web pages to post job notices, or they utilize such online services as CareerBuilder.com and Monster.com. I don't see this as necessarily a good or bad thing, just a thing, although the Post-Bulletin simply must be feeling the pinch, and feeling it hard.
Speaking of CareerBuilder and Monster, they've become my primary sources, and I've posted resumes on each, although I've had a Monster.com resume posted since 1999 or so.
Overall, I have to say that, even though the job searching and application process has become immeasurably simpler and cheaper, the actual chances of getting noticed and called in for a possible interview have diminished considerably. Any thoughts on how to make a resume/application shine in this digital age would be greatly appreciated.
Seriously, I can't remember the last time a collection of memoirs left me feeling like I'd been punched in the gut. It runs the gamut of emotions like I couldn't believe. Awesome book. Just. Awesome.
