So, I have cable television. I mean, I have a LOT of cable television. Like, 150 channels or some crazy number like that. And pretty much most of them are total and complete crap. However, on Showtime there is a program called "Bullshit," hosted by Penn and Teller that is an eye-opening voyage into the absurdity of today's social norms. It's un-PC as hell, and it lays on your feet some fairly amazing and damaging truths regarding things society today just kind of accepts as an overriding good. Such as recycling. I mean, these guys just tore the concept of recycling a new butthole. A fresh, gaping new butthole. A new butthole of extraordinary magnitude. I watched an episode last night that mercilessly explored the funeral home industry, and it was a laugh riot. That show almost makes up for the outrageous cable bill I get each month. I also watched one about the stupidity of the social taboo of profanity, which was also pretty fucking funny.
I also watched "The Fugitive" for the first time last night. I had never seen it, start to finish, before. And, you know what? The reviews were right. It really is a great movie.
Finally, after all my television-watching goodness last night, I settled in to start reading "Angels and Demons" which is basically the pre-quel, I guess, to the "Da Vinci code," which I haven't read. It's quite good, and by reading it, of course, that means I'll probably have to read the Da Vinci code somewhere down the line.
So, yeah, "Bullshit," "The Fugitive," and "Angels and Demons."
Who says I don't have a life?
Twas Christmas Day in '68, and swift boat Capt. John Forbes Kerry
Said he was in Cambodia. Does that sound weird? Well, yes. Quite. Very.
Because, you see, he wasn't there. Old Kerry was a' fibbin.
He got caught embellishing his service in some ill-advised ad libbin.
The press is silent on Kerry's blatant lie, on this it's mum's the word.
Had this been Bush, I tend to think, we'd see a big Old Media turd.
But no, it's okay, when Kerry lies, because Bush must be defeated.
So apologies can be offered up for how France has been mistreated.
Bush lied, they say, in outraged scorn, to bring us into war.
Yet Kerry lies, and that's just fine, let's show him the White House door.
Amidst all this, terror lurks, and plots its next attack.
It's easiest to make a move, when the enemy has turned its back.
UPDATE: *snort* After reading this, I simply have to take part, even if Amelia thinks I'm being biased.
From the Vietnam journal of John Forbes Kerry:
December 25, 1968 --
9:46 a.m. - It's hot. Even for Vietnam, it's hot. It's the kind of hot that makes you sweat in your briefs so bad, you wonder if you peed yourself. I check. Nope, it's just sweat. Damn it's hot.
9:59 a.m. - We're going to Cambodia again today, a trip that's become almost routine. I don't mind Cambodia. It's a lot like Vietnam, it just has a different name. That, and it has a different national anthem, I think.
10:49 a.m. - We're about five miles inside Cambodia now. I can tell that because I can count the number of rotations the propeller makes, and I know how far each rotation propels us. At last count, the propeller had rotated 8,467,982 times, which should put us about 4.9734 miles inside Cambodia. Good God but I'm a boring son of a bitch.
12 noon - Trigger, our boat's gunman, is talking with the mysterious CIA agent we're delivering into Cambodia. I can't make out quite what they're saying, but as far as I can tell, it has something to do with pickles. I wonder if that's a code word for something, or maybe they both just really like pickles.
1:45 p.m. - I just spoke with the mysterious CIA agent, who isn't so mysterious now that I just talked to him. Now he's only just a little bit enigmatic. If I had spoken with him longer, I'll bet he would be merely esoteric. Hard to say, really. Hard to say. His name is Jim and, I have to say, he doesn't look much like a Jim. He looks more like a Tony, or maybe a Mark. But not Jim.
2:15 p.m. - We just dropped Jim off at shore, after exchanging pickle recipes with Trigger. I only knew Jim for a few hours, but I know I'll miss him forever. Thankfully, he left me his hat to remember him by. Trigger may have his recipe for spiced pickles, but I have his hat. I think I win. Now it's back to Vietnam.
For those of you who love Teen Girl Squad, you should know that there's a little-known installment you should probably watch.
Why, yes, I do intend to just keep linking to stupid shit today. Why do you ask?
Newsrooms Struggle To Adequately Capture Political Debate
NEW YORK (Rhodes Media Services) -- With the presidential election getting closer by the minute, and with the candidates' campaigns becoming more and more belligerent to one another, newsrooms nationwide have had a difficult time capturing political exchanges in the proper evocative prose.
Headlines over the past weeks have relied heavily on such verbs as "slams" and "bashes" when referring to one candidate attacking the other, such as "Kerry Slams Bush On Iraq War" and "Bush Blasts Kerry On Vietnam Record."
"You know, it's kind of silly, when you really think about it," said George B. Irish, chairman of the American Press Institute and president of Hearst newspapers. "If you watch any political speeches by Bush or Kerry you rarely, if ever, see any slamming going on, or blasting for that matter. To read today's headlines, you'd think the presidential election was akin to a WWF Smackdown. But it's not. Quite frankly, it's boring as dirt. We should really be using verbage that reflects that."
Some headlines suggested by Irish included "Kerry Delivers Monotone Critique of Iraq War" and "Bush Offers Discombobulated Assessment of Kerry and Vietnam."
"I'm sorry, but when I see Kerry droning on and on like Lurch at the front door, I can't honestly call what I'm witnessing a bash of anything: I call it a nap," said Irish. "Likewise, when I see Bush bumble his way through a mediocre speech, the word 'blast' seldom comes to mind: more like 'aspirin.'"
I'm sure everyone with a modem has probably seen this clip a million-billion times, but it came to my attention again today and it gave me yet another gut busting laugh.
Yesterday, the company that actually provides my paychecks, MSP Communications (I work at IBM in Rochester, but I'm hired through MSP--I'm special) treated all its employees to a Twins baseball game.
I was in a phenomenal 11th row seat, right along the first base line, smack dab behind the opposing team's bull pen. It was one of those seats that, although it was fantastic for overall viewing, kept me on paranoid alert that the current batter would launch a line drive right into my skull.
That's just one of many of the reasons why anyone and everyone should experience a baseball game in person. It's an entirely different world from what you see on TV. There's the crowd dynamic, which has its own pulse. You can feel it shift throughout the game. If the home team is doing well, you can feel the crowd responding. If the home team is blowing it, you can feel the resignation in the crowd.
The Twins, alas, had their asses handed to them yesterday, so that sucked. There was plenty of resignation to go around, let me tell you.
It was still way better than actual work.
Hey, my mother, an ardent Repub, ain't gonna go that way and, wow, if that's the case, expect Kerry.
I'm still not sure, myself. But, wow, the Dems sure shoulda had the intelligence to select someone who didn't make Gore look like an excitable infomercial by comparison.
Again, still not sure myself. Kerry's a doof, but so is Bush.
Who's the bigger doof?
Time will tell, and there's time yet to tell.
