President urges Americans to stop thinking critically
WASHINGTON D.C. (Rhodes Media Services) -- Fresh off his victory of ending the partial government shutdown and basically re-establishing the status quo, President Obama today spoke to reporters and insisted that Americans should really stop thinking critically and should not listen to people who disagree with him.
"All of us need to stop focusing on the lobbyists and the bloggers and the talking heads on radio and the professional activists who profit from conflict," the President actually said, without even a wink of irony to the mainstream media.
Obama went on to stress that people who disagree with him and his policies tend to be "radicals," "extremists," "terrorists," "kidnappers," "jerks" and "poopyheads."
"The First Amendment is an incredibly important and cherished component of the United States Constitution," Obama explained. "However, my understanding as a Constitutional law professor is that it probably doesn't apply to any speech or writing that I tend to disagree with. I think freedom of speech and the press should only be applicable when it's about how awesome and right I am."
Many members of the press were quick to agree with the President's superior logic, common sense and charismatic denunciation of the First Amendment. Paul Krugman, Pulitzer prize-winning columnist for the New York Times said the President's statements were "erudite" and "dreamy," while E.J." Dionne, columnist for the Washington Post said it was "the most important and correct assessment of the First Amendment ever spoken."
While the President stopped short of advocating the arrest and punishment of those who spoke or wrote about anything he doesn't personally agree with or like all that much, he encouraged Americans to look down on anyone who speaks or writes such things and to "make their lives as uncomfortable as possible until they come to their senses."
"Let me be clear: some bloggers, in particular, really annoy me," Obama said. "Especially that Rambling Rhodes guy. Yeah, he may be hilarious, insightful, and even occasionally profound, but he's always making fun of me, and I can't stand that. I'm not sure how anyone could make his life any worse, but I encourage Americans to try."
Posted by Ryan at October 17, 2013 10:47 AM | TrackBack
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