October 13, 2012

The Modern Muddled Liberal

You are the very model of a modern muddled Liberal,
Your information comes to you from sources mostly mythical,
You suffer from myopia, and lack most things historical.
Do you recognize hypocrisy? I'm sorry, that's rhetorical.

You're very well acquainted, too, with straw men; you're fanatical.
You have problems with caucasians; your reverse-racism's quite magical.
From HuffPo, Kos and Maddow, you're teeming with a lack o' news;
You have misplaced hate for Israel, and all those Zionistic Jews.

You're quite passively-aggressive, yet lash out as anonymous;
Online you're such a tough guy, with the handle "LiberalMaximus."
In short, in matters political, mathematical, historical;
You are the very model of a modern muddled Liberal.

You know your mythic history, with your little Marxist building blocks?
Well, Communist fields are stacked with death--an overflowing litter box.
Socialism is Communism-Lite, which you think is fabulous;
In your world shared mediocrity is somehow pretty glamorous.
You tell uncounted tales of wealth's gross inequities;
How rich people are evil and should be taxed as much as you dare please.
When the world's an even playing field, and the wealthy are no more?
With the money gone, what then? That you conveniently IGNORE.

Then there's "climate change" or variants of "human planet harm,"
Wherein the world is getting cold. . . No wait! Now perhaps It's getting warm!
For clarity, there's politi-science. Better yet, consult the Gore-acle!
You are the very model of the a modern muddled Liberal.

The "facts" you know? Mostly wrong. Ignorance is your pathogen.
Statistics frighten and confuse. "Oh, no, not that MATH again!"
You kneel before regulations--an endless source of wonderment.
To you there's no term quite so frightening as "Smaller Government."
You've redefined "progress" such that it means "modern dumbery."
If I may, here's Liberalism, wrapped up in succinct summary:
Wealth is bad, taxes are good. Entitlement's a strategy!
Once attained, we'll never see a better cowed society!

You lack military knowledge, and your logic's rudimentary.
Your economic understanding insults the word "elementary."
Thus, in matters political, mathematical, historical;
You are the very model of a modern muddled Liberal.

UPDATE: *AHEM* Wow, I wish my SiteMeter stats were working, so I could see where the flash of hate came from. But whatever.

For those of you who are slow on the uptake, which I'm assuming is most of you who left comments here, I don't take this blog nearly as seriously as you. Go outside. Pet a dog. Have some sex. Have sex with a dog outside.

Posted by Ryan at October 13, 2012 07:16 PM | TrackBack

You wasted your time with this crap? You're pathetic.

Posted by: Mark at October 18, 2012 11:59 AM

You think your being clever here but your just stupid.

Posted by: Chris at October 18, 2012 12:00 PM

I'm sorry, was this supposed to be serious? Because it's seriously not. Looser.

Posted by: Amy at October 18, 2012 12:01 PM

Written like a typical conservatard.

Posted by: Erin at October 18, 2012 12:03 PM

You have shitty taste in lamps.

Posted by: LearnedFoot at October 19, 2012 09:42 AM
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