May 04, 2011

Economic Policies Used to Kill bin Laden

Obama's Domestic Agenda Led to 'Epiphany' in Bin Laden Hunt

Rhodes Media Services - WASHINGTON D.C. -- In a surprising revelation Wednesday morning, President Obama explained how he used a slightly modified version of his domestic economic policies to aid in the manhunt and eventual killing of al Queda figurehead Osama bin Laden.

In a hastily organized White House press conference, Obama explained how he woke up one early morning several months ago and had an epiphany that revealed to him that, if his economic policies--intended to spend several hundred billion dollars to save jobs and halt unemployment--could in fact actually lead to much higher unemployment, inflation, and a drawn out recession, then the same policies could be used in the global war on terror.

"Let me be clear," said Obama, pausing briefly to ensure no one would interrupt his tonal clarity. "While my domestic economic policies have admittedly fallen flat, I'm proud to announce that they worked to bring down this international terrorist."

Using fairly confusing graphs and charts, Obama showed how he ordered vast amounts of war spending in Afghanistan and Pakistan, while at the same time decreeing that all efforts must be made to save bin Laden's life. In a bizarre twist that's still not entirely understood--just as such similar measures actually killed jobs domestically so, too, did it eventually lead to bin Laden's demise.

"Again, let me be perfectly clear," said Obama to an already compliant and completely quiet crowd that was in no way impeding his clarity. "This new type of warfare should not be undertaken lightly. While it's true it can be used to rid the world of a man who needed to seriously be gotten rid of, it should in no way be used to try to prop up or otherwise save any economy anywhere across the globe. It's THAT dangerous of an idea."

Posted by Ryan at May 4, 2011 07:34 AM | TrackBack
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