April 04, 2011

My Highness

Today, as I worked fleetingly on a freelance article, I noticed the tell-tale flickering lights in my peripheral vision that foretold of an impending migraine.

I went upstairs to scrounge around for Tylenol but, finding none, I opted for two Motrin. Motrin is not my first choice, because for some reason I always equate it with menstrual cramp relief, which obviously doesn't sound like something you'd use to do battle against a migraine.

I then retired to the basement, where it's darker and conducive to a migraine nap. When I awoke three hours later, the flickering vision had dissipated, leaving in its wake a pounding headache. Again, we didn't have any Tylenol, and I didn't want to go the Motrin route again, so I opted for the next best thing: whining.

"Can't you take one of those Oxycodones from when my C-section ruptured?" asked my wife.

This struck me as a peculiar solution. On the one hand, I know I'm not supposed to take any medication that's not prescribed for me, and particularly not any medication that's left over from a different medical condition entirely. Still, on the other hand, if Oxycodone could numb the pain of a C-section incision the length of my forearm, it had to do SOMETHING for a migraine. Besides, it was a teeny tiny pill that didn't seem capable of anything too serious. So, I took one, and then I forgot I even took it as the toddler woke up from his nap and immediately started wailing.

Eventually, it was decided I should go out and get take out food from somewhere, and we opted for Indian food, so I hopped in the car and headed for the "India Garden" restaurant. I ordered, and was told it would be a 15 to 20 minute wait, so I went to peruse the offerings at a sporting goods store across from the restaurant.

As I looked at an interesting selection of old firearms, I found I was strangely unable to concentrate, and I noted with a dumb smile that I felt my cheeks tingling, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why.

Then I remembered taking the Oxycodone and realized "Holy crap, I'm buzzing on prescription meds, for crying out loud."

As jarring as the realization was, I have to admit I didn't have much of a headache any longer. So, medical professionals, take note: Oxycodone can knock out a migraine, or at least make you forget you had one in the first place.

Posted by Ryan at April 4, 2011 07:37 PM | TrackBack

If anything is going to work, it's probably synthetic morphine.

Posted by: Keith at April 5, 2011 10:56 AM
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