January 21, 2011

The Carbon Paw Print

Even though I've only graced this planet for 35 years, I have nevertheless, in that short time, experienced a perpetual onslaught of news and other reports calling attention to the impending doom of our world and its inhabitants.

Unfortunately, I only caught the tail end of the nuclear arms race, which I've always regretted somewhat. I mean, that world-ending scenario must have at least felt real and tangible. The idea of stepping outside one morning to grab the newspaper and seeing a mushroom cloud in the distance has always struck me as something I really missed out on. I mean, can you imagine? Grabbing a "newspaper?"

In comparison to a nuclear holocaust, the world-ending predictions I've been exposed to over my lifetime seem almost tame by comparison. Whereas a nuclear holocaust must have had an air of immediacy to it, most planet changing events I've been told to worry about all seem to have time lines that extend out 20, 50 or even 100 years or more. Who has time to worry about things like that?

Of course, the hot button planet-changing phenomenon that's had everyone taking to the fainting couch over the past decade or so has been "global warming," which of course has morphed into "global climate change," which is a far more encompassing term that better takes into account cold snaps and record-setting snowfalls, which scientists just got plain old tired of trying to explain because it involved imaginary numbers and long division.

The primary culprit driving global climate change, according to scientists, is carbon. In the scientific community, carbon is considered such an evil pollutant, they refer to it as "Satan's Feces." Supposedly, the science says, burning carbon creates a noxious and dangerous layer of airborne pollution that has all sorts of harmful effects for planet earth. In response to this dire calamity, scientists, politicians and activists worldwide have been attempting to curb humanity's insatiable thirst for all things carbon.

However, I saw a television commercial the other day that made me seriously doubt carbon's perceived detrimental planetary effect. The commercial was advertising a new type of cat litter, so I took special interest, because I've always held to a strong philosophical belief that "as goes cat litter, so goes humanity."

Anyway, the cat litter being advertised was "Fresh Step Scoopable Litter with Odor-Eliminating Carbon." That's right, folks. . . ODOR-ELIMINATING CARBON. Here scientists have been beating people over the heads, insisting carbon is to blame for all our global climate change woes, and yet they failed to mention even once that burning carbon is the equivalent of spraying Glade to combat bathroom odor.

So, after all the "carbon is evil" propaganda of the last dozen or more years, we discover cat litter manufacturers have been using the supposedly evil element to develop feline odor elimination litter granules.

Now, as we all know, if there are animals on the planet that take environmental causes seriously, it's cats. Therefore, if cats are perfectly okay using carbon to mask their more sour feline odors, then maybe human beings shouldn't feel quite so guilty about using carbon to better our every day lives.

If you doubt my logic, try a little experiment. The next time a climate change scientist claims burning carbon could lead to higher global temperatures and rising sea levels over the next 50 years, you should stand up and shout "Oh yeah?! What about the cat litter, smart guy?!!!

I can practically guarantee he won't have an answer for you.

Posted by Ryan at January 21, 2011 12:20 PM | TrackBack

I remember spending so much time as a little kid thinking about, talking about when the nukes would fall. Growing up in TX with all those military basis, we pretty much figured we'd be gone in a flash. I remember the scare tactic movies about the day after and such. Fun times.

Reality was the tornadoes. Growing up with those was kinda cool though - big storms.

Posted by: Beth at January 21, 2011 04:27 PM
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