March 04, 2009

Let the eagle soar. . .


Good God, where to begin? I suppose we can start with the necklace. I really can't make any excuses for the thing. I honestly thought it was cool, which proves that, even though I was an A Honor Roll student, I was actually very stupid.

Now. . . the teeth. I'm sure you noticed it looks like there's only one big front tooth instead of two defined teeth. Okay, remember the denture thing from the previous year? Well, basically, the thing fell out of my mouth while I was swimming in a river during the summer. Considering how freakin' expensive the damned thing was, the local dentist decided to try and glue a temporary tooth into place. I'd had surgery to drill a titanium post into my upper mandible that would one day support a permanent tooth, but since my mouth was still growing, we had to make do with temporary measures.

The glue treatment worked for about two weeks, before a slight bump to my mouth knocked it out again. Rather than go back to the dentist to glue it back in, I came up with the grand idea of using. . . Super Glue. And it worked! For about two weeks, at which point the tooth broke free again and I had to glue it back into place. This was an ongoing process, so by the time this picture was taken, the place holder tooth had enough Super Glue build-up on it to make it look like I was growing plaque as some sort of experiment.

The hair is it's own thing entirely. I have no explanation for that.

Posted by Ryan at March 4, 2009 07:54 PM | TrackBack

Huh. I know it's terrible karma for any guy to ever comment on another guy's hair situation, but I mean this as a sincere compliment to how you look now: God kind of did you a favor by making you go bald. I mean, there's basically two kinds of people in the world -- people who are meant to have hair, and people who aren't. Like what's-his-fuck, the (former? i don't care enough to keep track) governor of Illinois. That dude is not meant to have hair. He's the only famous person I can think of, but I've got a bunch of friends who all look like they're wearing ugly wigs, and you just look at them and think, "My god, they would be so lucky to go bald..."

So yeah, you were clearly meant to go bald and so it was. Glory hallelujah.

And, about the eagle...

This is obviously just an earlier symptom of the mania that led to that tiger poster. Some guys just have too much testosterone. It makes them go bald, and gives them a bizarre fixation with images of romantically metaphorical predators: tigers, wolves, eagles, rattlesnakes -- cobras, if they're at all martial-artsy. If there were still velociraptors hunting on the plains of Africa, you'd probably have one tattooed in the middle of your back, right between your shoulder blades. It's a little sad, but the rest of your personality pretty much makes up for it.

Posted by: Joshua at March 5, 2009 07:24 PM

I knew that, if anyone would comment here, it would probably be you. And I'm so happy I was right. Your comments are gold, Pony Boy. Gold.

Posted by: Ryan at March 5, 2009 08:47 PM

I haven't stopped cringining since I saw this several hours ago. Teenage Rhodes is going to haunt my nightmares now.

Also, I will have to agree with Joshua, you're better looking bald and no, I am not coming on to you.

Posted by: Erik at March 6, 2009 12:31 AM

Oh man, cringining? Wow, that sounds like it'd end up in a pulled muscle.

Posted by: Erik at March 6, 2009 12:33 AM
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