Rambling Rhodes

Introducing, Bill Boyne. Local Moron.

Bill Boyne is the Rochester Post-Bulletin's Nick Coleman doppleganger. At the advice of a commenter here awhile back, I started following Boyne's cerebral incontinence in my ongoing quest to annoy myself into non-existence through the moronic scribblings of local journalistic scribes. Boyne fits the bill perfectly.

Take this bit of buffoonery, for example:

The disaster that struck the small town of Postville, Iowa, recently was a dramatic demonstration of what is wrong with U.S. immigration policy.

Got that? A disaster. Flooding, perhaps? A fire? What constitutes a disaster, in this case, pray tell?

Federal agents targeted Agriprocessors, a firm that produces kosher meat, and arrested 400 of the plant's 900 workers -- mostly Mexican and Guatemalan immigrants.

Key point: they were Mexican and Guatemalan ILLEGAL immigrants. Funny how the truth-tellers in the journalistic ranks keep gleaning over that inconvenient canard.

Three hundred were charged with identity theft and using stolen Social Security cards.

Okay, so, they were ILLEGAL immigrants, AND they were dabbling in identity theft. Who do you think Boyne sides with?

The raid was a damaging blow to the city's economy. Agriprocessors was the largest employer in the town of about 1,700 people and it could not continue to operate.

Wait for it. . .

The raid also dealt a terrible blow to the immigrants, who expect to be deported -- along with their children, many of whom were born in Postville and are U.S. citizens.

A terrible blow. . . to ILLEGAL immigrants, who were also IDENTITY THIEVES. Argh! Oh, and their children, American born as they were, can claim American citizenship for life and can come back legally when they're old enough, I believe, so Boyne can go eat a weiner.

The company's operations were disrupted while Agriprocessors sought to recruit white and African American workers from outside the area.

White and African American workers? Why not just say LEGAL workers, for crying out loud?

Agriprocessors, operated by the Rubashkin family, moved to Postville in 1987 from New York to be closer to a source of livestock.

The Rev. Paul Ouderkirk, a priest at St. Bridget's Catholic Church in Postville, has been assisting the families of the fired workers, who were left without a source of income. Among other things, the church sponsors luncheons for the workers and their children.

Oh, the DISASTER of it all! Those ILLEGAL, IDENTITY THIEVES were left without a source of income! Gosh, if there were only some sort of legal process in place for becoming a U.S. citizen. Wouldn't that be great? Wait, what if foreigners maybe had some legal way to work in the U.S. without lifting the social security information from David Gruber from down the street? Can you imagine such a thing?

The raid was one of a series conducted by federal agents that have disrupted a number of American cities. The raids have shut down companies that had hired immigrants because they were unable to hire workers locally.

Really? And yet here those companies are, out looking for local workers to fill the depleted ranks regardless. Gosh, it's almost as if they specifically hired illegal immigrants for some other reason. I wonder what that could possibly be. Hmmm.

That is a national problem because the American work force is declining as baby boomers retire and there are fewer workers in the succeeding generation.

Because Bill Boyne says so, IT MUST BE TRUE.

It is hard to believe that federal agents are continuing to conduct such raids, because they all have the same effect -- they make it hard for businesses to keep operating, they cause serious damage to the economies of the communities affected, and they disrupt the lives of thousands of workers.

Yeah, it's just so hard to believe such raids are conducted. We should just let ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS drive up healthcare costs and suck on the endless teat of the American handout, because GOD KNOWS that could never seriously damage the economy.

The raids are the result of agitation by right-wing conservatives who believe that they are an effective way of halting illegal immigration. They are wrong.

They are wrong! End of story! They've been BOYNED! I just love how the raids are the result of agitated right-wing conservatives. Some people might possibly, maybe make the argument that the raids were the result of THE FUCKING LAW.

The American work force is shrinking and immigrants are needed to keep the economy running. This trend is caused by the aging of the labor force.

BOYNE!

Fine. They can hire all the immigrants they like, so long as they aren't ILLEGAL immigrants. . . like Zutroy here, who is American as apple pie.

Baby boomers are retiring and there are not enough younger workers coming into the work force to replace them.

Pete and Repeat were in a boat. Pete fell out. Who was left?

That's why the Rochester Chamber of Commerce, along with dozens of other communities, has established the Work Force 2020 program. Its goal is to help businesses find ways to provide enough workers between now and 2020, when the last of the baby boomers are expected to retire.

Great! Yahoo! RAH RAH ROCHESTER! Anyone want to hazard a guess as to whether the Work Force 2020 program offers amnesty to ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS, because I'm betting NOT, which makes Boyne's next segue about as nonsensical and stupid as. . . a Nick Coleman segue.

The federal government should also be addressing that issue instead of conducting a pointless program of arresting and deporting immigrants.

They're ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS, you fucking moron!

There is another more rational and infinitely more effective way of dealing with illegal immigrants. The first is to recognize that there are 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. Arresting and deporting all of them would be terribly destructive for all concerned.

There's no easy solution. Granted.

What is needed is a humane and workable program to allow these immigrants to become citizens.

Gosh darn it. There it is again. The need for a workable program that allows people to become U.S. citizens. You'd think we'd have something like this in place already, what with our reputation as a melting pot and all that. I'm imagining some process wherein immigrants learn a little bit about American history and civics, capped off with the recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance. I know, that's just crazy thinking.

In the first place, they are not hardened criminals. They are impoverished individuals from Mexico and Guatemala and elsewhere who could not find jobs in their own countries and came to the U.S. to find a way to support their families.

Soooo, they jumped the border and became identity thieves. Good plan.

They should be allowed to qualify for citizenship in a given period of time if they learn English, pay taxes and meet other reasonable standards.

Can you believe this guy? Dude, such a thing already exists. It's not new. It's a pretty well-established system. These ILLEGAL immigrants probably know perfectly well that such a system exists, too, yet they opt for stolen social security identities and hope they don't get caught.

After all, the United States is a nation of immigrants and their descendants -- many of whom were not treated well when they first arrived.

Not treated well? Newsflash: Life ain't fair.

Congress needs to address the problem because the current policy is destructive for all concerned.

Yeah, the current policy wherein ILLEGAL immigrants piss on the idea of going the legal route when it comes to working/living here. One wonders if Bill Boyne has any ideas of his own as to how to "fix" the problem, or if he, like Nick Coleman, is more content to whine aimlessly about it.

It is hoped the next election will result in new leadership that can deal with this grievous problem in a humane and effective way.

In other words, yes, Boyne IS more content with whining aimlessly than actually thinking and offering solutions.

Of course, when a solution actually ALREADY EXISTS, I suppose that's hard to do.

UPDATE: My most esteemed ThunderJournaling colleague, and fellow flatulence afficionado, LearnedFoot, offers up some additional insight regarding this "disaster" of a raid:

"The raids are the result of agitation by right-wing conservatives."

This is complete and utter bullshit.

The point of the raid was because there was a phony document / identity theft ring being operated out of that plant (by some employees without the knowlege of management or ownership). Of course where you find a forged document ring, your also going to find lots and lots of illegals who are using them (also against the law).

If you don't think that this sort of enforcement action should be taken, then you really can't be for throwing the book at college kids who use fake IDs to buy beer or the people who make thoose IDs either.

And how do I know this?

(Ask me. Oh please please ask me!)

OK I'll tell you how I know this.

My neighbor is an ICE agent who participated in that raid. He was in Iowa for over 2 weeks, coming home only on weekends. Afterwards he told me all this.

Meaning:

Number of sources cited by LearnedFoot: 1

Number of sources cited by "journalist": 0

Suck my dick assnozzle.

Posted by Ryan at July 10, 2008 11:20 AM | TrackBack