November 28, 2007

Retiring Your Feline

Over the years, I've used this ThunderJournal to inform you, my three valued readers, about all sorts of pet-related information. For example, I've told you all about the Lavakan—a pet cleansing system that's basically a washing machine for animals—I've told you about newspapers offering to run pet obituaries, and I've even enlightened you about the amazing world of kitty litter mining.

Well, earlier this week, a co-worker called my attention to the little-known emerging industry that is cat retirement. For those of you thinking you just read that wrong, let me just assure you: you read that right. . . a retirement home for cats.

There was a time, not that long ago really, when—if your cat got up in years and couldn't get around very well, or developed a terminal condition, or you just plain got sick of it shedding and spewing hairballs everywhere—you'd take it out behind the tin shed and give it a .22 caliber send off, or take it to the vet to inject it with a life-ending green serum.

Well, no longer! Now your cat can suffer on into its golden, debilitated years at a cat retirement facility in sunny Florida and, for a presumably considerable fee, you can rest easy without the guilt associated with deciding to end your feline's life. Alternatively, it may be you yourself who is worried about passing on into the afterlife and leaving your cats to an uncertain future. Through the wonders of this cat retirement facility, however, you can pass on knowing the
future of your cats is secure.

The cat retirement home is called—and I swear I'm not making this up—the Palm Meow, and dubbed "A Tropical Paradise for Your Cat," because we all know cats desire nothing less than a tropical paradise to while away their final days.

For those of you demented (or hilarious) enough to look it up for yourself, the Palm Meow can be accessed online at If the animated image of a blinking cat doesn't tug at your heartstrings, the repeated playing of a Calypso barrel drum will make you want to yank the power cord from your computer. It is, quite frankly, about the most annoying Web site you'll ever visit, so of
course I highly recommend it!

The Palm Meow is, in fact, a single family dwelling inhabited by two self-proclaimed "cat people." They ventured into this new and uncertain business model back in 2004 when, after extensive research, they discovered, and I quote, "there were not many places where one could place cats for life long care after the owner passes away or can no longer care for their pets. We also found there were few places to board cats long term in a cat's exclusive resort."

I know what you're thinking: you're thinking "Of course! A cat's exclusive resort! How could I have missed such a glaringly ignored business niche?!" Well, too bad, because the niche has been filled, by "cat people" no less, which I imagine must be hard to compete against.

The Palm Meow provides information about "cat retirement planning" and advocates setting up a "pet trust" to ensure your critters will want for nothing after you're six feet deep in the wrong side of the ground.

For those of you unsure about the credentials of the people running the Palm Meow, fear not! They're certified pet sitters through the National Association of Professional Pet Sitters (NAPPS), an association I didn't even know existed until I visited the Palm Meow Web page. After reading up on the rigorous standards that have to be met to attain NAPPS certification, I think it could very well warrant a future ThunderJournal post.

As the owner of two cats myself (although I can't profess to be a "cat person"), I know I'll sleep better at night knowing the Palm Meow exists should I pass into the next world as I slumber. Unfortunately, I'll probably have that dang Calypso music ringing in my ears for eternity.

Posted by Ryan at November 28, 2007 01:54 PM | TrackBack

Not me, I'm getting my cat and dog stuffed when they die so I can make them into an end table and a lamp. Because that'll prove that I loved them the most!

Posted by: Erik at November 28, 2007 04:17 PM

I'm thinking maybe these two "cat-lovers" also have cousins named Bubba and Billy Bob who live in the swamp and love nothing more than inventing new ways to kill cats. Just a thought...

Posted by: Autumn at November 28, 2007 10:23 PM
StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble It!