August 21, 2007

Southeastern Minnesota Hills Deemed "Deficient"

Study Warned of Poor Water Drainage Potential in 2005

ST. PAUL (Rhodes Media Services)--Even as the flood waters have yet to recede from affected areas of Southeastern Minnesota, evidence has come to light showing the rolling hills were deemed "deficient" following a state geological study completed in 2005.

In documents procured by a source within Rhodes Media Services, at least 40 hills and several valleys were listed as "potentially dangerous" and "requiring some sort of attention, although exactly what should be done is unclear."

The damning survey results conclusively show Gov. Tim Pawlenty knew full well of the dangers of heavy rain, shallow topsoil, and the downward pull of a universal force known in the scientific community as "Gravity."

Together, along with hills described in the study as "dangerously slanty" and "prone to slant towards valleys and other low-lying areas," Southeast Minnesota was a flash flood just waiting to happen, yet the Pawlenty administration apparently did nothing to flatten out or otherwise sufficienty grade Southeast Minnesota.

"Quite frankly, I don't know what more has to happen for Minnesotans to wake up to the evils and incompetence of the Pawlenty government," SAID JEFF FECKE, tears streaming down his face, fists clenched, a urine stain spreading across his groin. "We knew almost two years ago those hills were flood bombs waiting to go off, but we couldn't pony up the tax dollars to flatten them down and get one state trooper for every three Minnesota citizens?! I mean, does that sound so hard?"

NOTE: This post was inspired by my ThunderJournaling colleague, LEARNEDFOOT.

Posted by Ryan at August 21, 2007 03:22 PM | TrackBack

Falttening those big hills would be trickier than wiping your ass with a cat.

Posted by: LearnedFoot at August 22, 2007 06:48 AM

I am so going to hell for laughing at this!

Posted by: Autumn at August 22, 2007 09:10 AM

If there's one person I figured would find this funny, it would have been you, Autumn. You're evil and heartless like me.

Posted by: Ryan at August 22, 2007 09:25 AM
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