November 13, 2006

Ready. . . Aim. . . STUPID!


A life got in the way

Is a moose's life worth so little?

Long answer: Yeah. Short answer: Yep.

The Department of Natural Resources decided to shoot the wayward moose dead instead of tranquilizing it because the tranquilizer would take 15 to 45 minutes to work and the moose might cause traffic problems during the wait (Star Tribune, Nov. 10).

A moose is a very large animal. A moose is a very dangerous, unpredictable, very large animal. It is an animal that can cause considerable damage to vehicles and presents a hazard to those who are driving said vehicles. 15 to 45 minutes waiting for a moose to take a nap is an eternity in Interstate time.

Isn't it worth a little inconvenience to save an animal's life? I am appalled that people think so little of taking a life if it gets in the way of human activity. We all share this planet.

Christ on a cross! These are the kinds of people who make me want to vomit thumb tacks. This reminds me of one of my first ever blog posts:

This deer insisted on going back on the interstate as if daring motorists to hit it. Of course, motorists kept opting to swerve and eventually some motorists stopped their vehicles and got out because "they wanted to help the deer." Now, I rarely stop on an freaking interstate, because cars go really fast on the interstate, and I certainly wouldn't expose my frail frame to oncoming traffic in the name of assisting a deer stupid enough to get hit by a car and then stick around for more. And yet, that's exactly what these folks were doing. Imagine if you will, a throng of about 10 morons running around in fields and on the interstate in a surreal game of wildlife tag. What would they have done had they caught the deer? Ride it? Put it in the trunk? I don't know if you're at all familiar with deer hooves, but they're as sharp as scissors and one good kick to the mid-section could disembowel our governor. So, my buddy arrives on the scene and promptly gets his squad car stuck in the median. So, he's not a happy man to start with. He grabs his shotgun and gets out of his car, careful to keep the shotgun hidden alongside his leg, lest the crowd of deer-chasing idiots realize what he's about to do and try to stop him. He yells at everyone to get back to their cars while he trudges across the field to meet personally with the deer. He gets within 25 feet, draws his shotgun, and, two blasts later, Bambi is no more, much to the shock of those watching who had no idea my buddy was carrying a shotgun. Well, now everyone is just horrified and offended, demanding to know why he used such excessive force, as if a wounded deer somehow should at least be read its miranda rights or given a last supper. Everyone wanted to know my buddy's name so they could report his abuse of power and write scathing letters to the editor for any newspaper that may listen. A little reality check, folks. The deer was a danger to traffic. It was wounded, and despite all the cries to save it, the DNR would have arrived later and done the same exact thing. Wounded deer are not tranquilized and carted off to petting zoos. They are destroyed. That's what is done with wounded deer. Get over it, get back in your cars, and stop being so stupid.

Honestly, people, stop being so utterly stupid. It bears repeated repeating.

RUTH "Deserves A Good Moose Trampling" PARSONS, VICTORIA

Posted by Ryan at November 13, 2006 10:46 AM | TrackBack

Do you know thi story?

Generally, my impression is that commuters would run over a box full of babies if it'd shave an hour off their commute time. One of the many reasons that, if I ever decide to go belltower, I'll definitely be looking for a spot with plenty of hard cover and a view of the nearest freeway.

Posted by: Joshua at November 13, 2006 12:01 PM

I remember that story.

Just a guess, but I tend to think Minnesota Nice would probably keep people from encouraging a jumper.

Then again, I could be entirely wrong.

Posted by: Ryan at November 13, 2006 12:25 PM
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