August 25, 2006

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

You know what pisses me off? I'll tell you what pisses me off.

I'm a hairy motherfucker. Hairy arms, hairy chest, hairy legs, hairy FEET (feet looks wrong all capped, doesn't it?)--I'm a fucking six foot tall Hobbit, I swear--hairy ass, hairy balls, and it just seems to keep spreading, like Tiberium, or something (extra points if you get the Tiberium reference). Shit, even my cock shaft has hair--no kidding, honest to God, cock shaft hair (not a bunch, but strands here and there, mostly here) extending right up to my circumcision scar (I bet you wanted to know that--I report, you vomit, or fantasize).

But, the fucking top of my head, which incapsulates my brain, which shoots out the most heat, which should be protected? Nothing. Nada. Not a Goddamned sprout. It's like an ice cap. I mean, COME ON! About a third of my individual (individual, as in SINGULAR) chest hair follicles sprout as many as THREE fucking hairs! THREE! But the top of my pate can't bother with even ONE fucking hair per follicle. And this all started taking place when I was 20 years old, for fuck's sake. fucking genetics, man. Thankfully, I realized the benefit of shaving my head about that time.

Then again, I've saved, roughly, $8,000 in haircuts over the years (maybe more, maybe less), opting instead to shave my noggin.

Why, yes, I shaved my armpits and lower back today, because I'm sick of people accidentally grasping my armpit and back hair during my Jiu-Jitsu classes, which hurts like a motherfucker.

I'm not bitter. Really.

Posted by Ryan at August 25, 2006 09:51 PM | TrackBack

Try to think of it as a good thing, because if you ever decide to transplant your hair back to your head all those follicles sprouting 3 hairs at a time will be the shit.
I'm just saying.
And I'd like to say we are all fantasizing, but it would be a lie. Would I lie to you? No.

Posted by: Donna at August 26, 2006 01:51 AM

you're a bit of a twat

Posted by: at August 26, 2006 11:42 AM

Just a bit?

Posted by: Ryan at August 26, 2006 11:52 AM

i think that might been too much information...even for ME!

;-) still lurve ya baby!

Posted by: Joseph at August 26, 2006 08:14 PM

I was wondering if you were still lurking, Joseph. I figured if any post would get you to comment, it would be this one.

Posted by: Ryan at August 27, 2006 11:04 AM

Um...that's going to itch like a motherfraker when it starts to grow back. It might be worse than people accidently grabbing it during Jiu-Jitsu

Posted by: :: shawn :: at August 27, 2006 01:32 PM

I didn't use a razor, shawn, I used a clippers, so it's not down to the skin, and hence shouldn't itch. Much.

Posted by: Ryan at August 27, 2006 01:37 PM

I feel ya, dude. I've got the same thing going on, except for the bald-on-top part and it sucks. It's frustrating to watch it progress, too. Like, there's a patch in the middle of my back, below my shoulder blades but above the small of my back, where there's no hair. And year by year I watch it get smaller and smaller.

I was worried for a long time that I'd go bald, just because most people with this much body hair seem to, but I got hella lucky.

Though-- you know what I've heard? If you wax several times, not all of it grows back. I've been thinking about trying that on my back, just to see what happens. I figure any concentration less than the current thick dark pelt would have to be an improvement.

Posted by: Joshua at August 27, 2006 01:47 PM

of course you can always take the plunge and drop 2-3K to get laser treatments. I hear they work exceptionally well...of course it's hard to justify 2-3k for vanity sake on something that 90% people will not see-less the time you go to the beach or whatnot.

Posted by: :: shawn :: at August 27, 2006 08:46 PM


Submit to the Brotherhood of NOD!

Posted by: LearnedFoot at August 28, 2006 07:21 AM


Posted by: Keith at August 28, 2006 09:28 PM

Posted by: Ryan at August 28, 2006 09:41 PM

yeah, that brought back fond memories... *le sigh* but, i don't seem to recall that much hair on the shaft itself. hmmm, i should dig up those pics. still lurking...

Posted by: Joseph at August 28, 2006 11:04 PM

C'mon, admit it - you did your pubes at the same time, didn't you? Be honest . . .

Posted by: simon at August 29, 2006 04:46 AM

I'm not hairy, certainly not in the Rhodes class of furry critters, but I've got shaft hair as well so don't feel too bad.

Posted by: Johnny at August 29, 2006 08:20 AM

I’m sure that I’m the only normal person here. Why would I think so? Because no one normal would have written anything like posts below on this kind of website.

Posted by: Marcus Walker at April 9, 2008 05:11 AM
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