November 17, 2005

A Minnesota weather Report

There's something both exciting and foreboding about the first snowfall of the season.

On the one hand, everything's gray and dead and exhausted, and you're kind of craving a nice white blanket to erase all that gloom, like Mother Nature shaking an Etch-a-Sketch, only totally different.

On the other hand, you know that the first snowfall signifies the start of the tunnel, the long creeping crawl through the dark months of winter.

Onto this conflicting stage enters the Minnesota meteorologist, a person who believes it's their mission in life to make even the most mundane weather report sound like the impending invasion of Normandy.

Take this week, for example. It's cold right now. This cold snap hit suddenly, like a surprise bout of diarrhea. Just one week ago, we were flirting coyly with 60 degrees. Now, 50 of those degrees left the dance with that better-looking jock with the square jaw and rippling pectoral muscles.

Oh, and we also had our first snowfall.

Which, to hear the local meteorologists tell it in advance, you'd think we were about to experience Snowfall Katrina. What follows is a completely made-up report that accurately reflects the weather news broadcasts we were treated to this week.

NEWS ANCHOR: We turn now to our own meteorologist, Sam Snow. Sounds like we have a bit of cold weather coming in, Sam.

SAM SNOW: You have no idea! I was just at my computer, and the monitor actually cracked, CRACKED, when it simulated just how cold it's going to be in the coming days. The only other time I got results like that was when I was messing around with possible weather conditions on the planet Pluto. People, do NOT go outside unless you really have to. You WILL die! Instantly! If you absolutely have to leave the house, bring a bucket of lava with you to pour over your head. That should give you the precious extra seconds you need to make it to your car.

NEWS ANCHOR: And I understand we have some snow headed our way, as well.

SAM SNOW: Oh, jeez, I forgot about the snow. SNOW! Frozen water particulates sent forth by a vengeful God! We shall see snowfall in quantities not seen since the great glaciers shaped our land!

NEWS ANCHOR: And how much would that be?

SAM SNOW: Anywhere from three to six, or four to eight inches! That may not seem like a lot, but when you consider it takes earth's tectonic plates roughly a year to scrape along about one inch or so, you realize that, overnight, we could experience eight years of tectonic movement in snowfall.

NEWS ANCHOR: I'm afraid I don't understand.

SAM SNOW: Who can fully understand the weather we're about to experience?! Since the dawn of mankind, we've struggled to understand why weather acts the way it does, all culminating with this one final broadcast about the most dire winter storm ever to hit anywhere. I'm honored, frankly, to even have been a small part of it.

NEWS ANCHOR: What should people do to prepare, Sam?

SAM SNOW: Pray! Pray until your knees are scuffed and your palms are rough and calloused! And, as I said, don't go outside, for death surely awaits someone so foolish. Spend time with your loved ones, and ration your food, so hopefully you can make it through these next impossible days. If need be, you can even eat your loved ones.


Oh, and in closing, if you're an area resident, you know that we had about an inch of accumulation, which made local meteorologists seem kind of like silly hype-mongers.

Posted by Ryan at November 17, 2005 10:28 PM | TrackBack

Yeah, I've never given a whole lot of stock to what the weathermen say come winter time. Actually, come to think of it, I never give them a whole lot of credit ever. I got a good kick out of how everything got blown out of proportion for this "storm" we had this week. Didn't really amount to much...

Posted by: Rick at November 18, 2005 09:06 AM

Program on the emergence of civilization.

"14 species of large animals capable of domesitcation in the history of mankind.
13 from Europe, Asia and northern Africa.
None from the sub-Saharan African continent. "
And disfavor.

They point out Africans’ failed attempts to domesticate the elephant and zebra, the latter being an animal they illustrate that had utmost importance for it's applicability in transformation from a hunting/gathering to agrarian-based civilization.

The roots of racism are not of this earth.

Austrailia, aboriginals:::No domesticable animals.

The North American continent had none. Now 99% of that population is gone.

AIDS in Africa.

Organizational Heirarchy
Heirarchical order, from top to bottom:

1. MUCK - perhaps have experienced multiple universal contractions (have seen multiple big bangs), creator of the artificial intelligence humans ignorantly refer to as "god"
2. Perhaps some mid-level alien management
3. Evil/disfavored aliens - runs day-to-day operations here and perhaps elsewhere

Terrestrial management:

4. Chinese/egyptians - this may be separated into the eastern and western worlds
5. Romans - they answer to the egyptians
6. Mafia - the real-world 20th century interface that constantly turns over generationally so as to reinforce the widely-held notion of mortality
7. Jews, corporation, women, politician - Evidence exisits to suggest mafia management over all these groups.

Movies foreshadowing catastrophy
1985 James Bond View to a Kill 1989 San Francisco Loma Prieta earthquake.

They can affect the weather and Hurricane Katrina was accomplished for many reasons and involves many interests, as anything this historical is::
1. Take heat off Sheenhan/Iraq, protecting profitable war machine/private war contracts
2. Gentrification. New Orleans median home price of $84k is among the lowest in major American cities, certainly among desirable cities.

Our society gives clues to the system in place. We all have heard the saying "He has more money than god." There is also an episode of the Simpsons where god meets Homer and says "I'm too old and rich for this."

This is the system on earth because this is the system everywhere.

I don't want to suggest the upper eschelons are evil and good is the fringe.

But they have made it abundantly clear that doing business with evil (disfavored) won't help people. They say only good would have the ear, since evil is struggling for survival, and therefore only the favored could help.

The clues are there which companies are favored and which are disfavored, but they conceal it very hard because it is so crucial.

I offer an example of historical proportions:::

People point to Walmart and cry "anti-union".
Unions enable disfavored people to live satisfactorly without addressing their disfavor. This way their family's problems are never resolved. Without the union they would have to accept the heirarchy, their own inferiority.
Unions serve to empower.
Walmart is anti-union because they are good. They try to help people address and resolve their problems by creating an enviornment where there are fewer hurdles.

Media ridicule and lawsuits are creations to reinforce people's belief that Walmart is evil in a subsegment of the indistry dominated by the middle and lower classes.
Low-cost disfavored Chinese labor is utilized by corporate america to maximize margins. They all do it. Only WalMart gets fingered because they are the ones who help, and those who seek to create confusion in the marketplace want to eliminate the vast middle class who have a real chance and instead stick with lower classes who may not work otherwise. So they dirty him up while allowing the others to appear clean.

The middle class is being deceived. They are being misled into the unfavored, and subsequently will have no assistance from their purchases with corporate america.

I believe the coining of the term "Uncle Sam" was a clue alluding to just this::Sam Walton and WalMart is one of few saviors of the peasant class.

Amercia is a country of castoffs, rejects. Italy sent its criminals. Malcontents.
Between the thrones, the klans and kindred, they "decided" who they didn't want and acted, creating discontent and/or starvation.
The u.s. is full of disfavored rejects. It is the reason for the myriad of problems not found in European countries. As far as the Rockafellers and other industrialists of the 19th century go, I suspect these aren't their real names. I suspect they were chosen to go and head this new empire.

Royalty is the right way to organize a society. Dictatorships and monarchies are a reflection of the antient's hierarchical organization.
Positions go to those who have favor with the rulers, as opposed to being elected.
Elections bring a false sense of how the world is. Democracy misleads people.
Which is why the disfavored rejects were sent to the shores of America::To keep them on the wrong path.

Jesus Christ is a religious figure of evil. These seperatist churches formed so they could still capture the rest of the white people, keeping them worshipping the wrong god.
And now they do it to people of color, Latinos and Asians, after centuries of preying upon them.

Simpson's foreshadowing::Helloween IV special, Flanders is Satan. "Last one you ever suspect."
"You'll see lots of nuns where you're going:::hell!!!" St. Wigham, Helloween VI, missionary work, destroying cultures.
Over and over, the Simpsons was a source of education and enlightenment, a target of ridicule by the system which wishes to conceal its secrets.

Since Buddism doesn't recongnize a god, the calls are never heard, and Chinese representation is instead selected by the thrones.
Budda was the Asian's Jesus Christ::: bad for the people. "They came up at the same time for a reason."

Jews maim the body formed in the image of "god", and inflicted circumsision upon all other white people, as well as the evil that is Jesus Christ.
I think about how Jews (were used to) created homosexuality among Slavics, retribution for the Holocaust.
Then I think of the Catholic Church and its troubles.
What connection is here between Jews and the Catholic church???
If it is their sinister motives that’s behind the evil that is Jesus Christ are they being used at all?
Perhaps it is them who are pulling strings.
Their bondage in Egypt proves their disfavor. The Jew leaders decided to prey on the up-and-coming Europeans to try to fix their problems with the ruling elite, a recurring aspect of their methodology.

I believe Islam is the one true religion, and those misled christians who attack "god"'s most favored people will pay dearly one day.

Posted by: grandpa stole bets at November 18, 2005 07:08 PM

Whoa. I don't know whether to delete that comment or just let it sit there so I can marvel at its complete batshit crazy incoherence. Holy crow.

Posted by: Ryan at November 18, 2005 07:59 PM
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