December 13, 2004

Winter Wonderland

Here in Minnesota, if you're wondering what kind of winter weather to expect, you simply have to consult me, Ryan Rhodes. That's right. Simply watch how I prepare for the winter season, and then do the exact opposite, and you should be adequately prepared.

I'm kind of like a Farmer's Almanac in Bizarro World.

Take, for example, the $600 snowblower I purchased back before Halloween. It was a difficult purchase to make, primarily because it cost $600 which, according to my own calculations, is a lot of freakin' money.

You may be wondering why I didn't just opt for a snow shovel and perform a little good-old-fashioned hard work in the event of a blizzard. Well, generally, I would have no problem with that. In fact, I tend to enjoy shoveling snow, provided I don't have to it every day, in which case I hate shoveling snow.

The problem, this year, is that I now own a house, and my house is on a corner lot, and my lot is half-a-block away from an elementary school, and it's Rochester city policy to demand that I keep my sidewalks free of snow for the toddling toddlers who toddle their way to school every morning. Also, in the interests of avoiding potentially expensive lawsuits from people unable to navigate my sidewalks, it's imperative that I keep my walkways clean and free of snow.

Being that I'm on a corner lot, there's a lot of sidewalk to work with, and because I tend to sleep until the last possible available minute, I don't have a lot of time in the morning to dedicate to shoveling. Therefore, I bought a snowblower.

Now, here it is December 13, and there's no snow on the ground. Granted, it's plenty cold and chilly, but you may be surprised to learn that you can't use a snowblower to clear away any amount of cold and chilly.

Therefore, my $600 purchase remains basically untouched, it's snowblowing capabilities untapped. Sure, I'd be perfectly happy if there would be no snow for the entire winter, which is improbably but, hey, it could happen. Still, I'd sure like that $600 back, if that ends up being the case.

Okay, fine, Kari Byron is one hot female. Kari Byron. Mmm, a Kari Byron. A Kari Byron would be fine.

Posted by Ryan at December 13, 2004 11:10 AM

Like your beloved Vikes...
(and my Redskins)

There's always next year.

Posted by: Rob@L&R at December 13, 2004 01:09 PM

I'm bitter about the Vikings' lame ass loss yesterday.

As for an unused snowblower, perhaps you could rent it out to some horny snowmen?

Posted by: Johnny Huh? at December 13, 2004 01:26 PM

I knew there was a "blow" joke in there somewhere but I just couldn't quite nail it down.

Posted by: David Grenier at December 13, 2004 02:25 PM

Snow? Is that anything like the sand on my perfectly manicured beaches on a marvelous 75 degree day? Hmmmmmmmmm?????

Posted by: Lily at December 13, 2004 05:31 PM
Post a comment

Remember personal info?

StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble It!