Rambling Rhodes

Bush Comes Clean About Secret Milk Plan

Pressure by Kerry forces president to show his hand

WASHINGTON D.C. (Rhodes Media Services) -- Responding to a speech in Wisconsin by Democrat presidential candidate John Kerry, President Bush today came out and publicly acknowledged his secret plan to hurt milk producers after the election.

The plan, dubbed "Operation Cow Tip," is a deviously constructed strategy to contaminate the nation's milk supply so that anyone who drinks milk after the election will immediately suffer explosive bouts of diarrhea.

The ensuing public backlash would have caused a nationwide boycott of milk and other dairy products, thereby destroying the dairy industry and hastening a switch over to Milk II, a dairy substitute created from petroleum and developed by Halliburton.

"You gotta admit, as secret milk plans go, this one was pretty cool," said Bush, standing outside on the White House lawn. "I came up with the explosive diarrhea angle because, let's face it, millions of people crapping themselves senseless would have been laugh-out-loud funny."

The Kerry campaign has also spoken of several other secret Bush plans, but the President refused to elaborate on them.

"A fella has to have some secret plans that stay secret, you know," said Bush.

Posted by Ryan at September 27, 2004 04:48 PM